41. Smells Like Trouble / Запах беды
(Setting: Odiferus, outside the city gates. Two guards are jumping up and down, making huge holes in the ground.)

Guard 1: Ha! You couldn't even uproot a tree! Watch me! (jumps high into the air; the force of his landing knocks the other guard off his feet)

(A non-Odiferan peddler drives his wagon up to the gates.)

Peddler: Excuse me, gentlemen!

Guard 2: Gentlemen?

Guard 1: No gentlemen here. We are Odiferans!

Peddler: Excellent! Then you are sure to be tempted by my rare treats and delicacies!

(The first guard starts rummaging through the cart.)

Peddler: (holding out two sticks of peppermint) Tasty minty sweets! Your breath will be an oasis of freshness!

Guard 2: Got any cheese?

Guard 1: He must have cheese in there somewhere!

Peddler: Exotic speckled eggs! Plucked at great risk from a nest at the summit of Inferno Mountain! (holds out a basket of green eggs with purple spots) Makes a man-sized omelet!

Guard 2: Ha, with cheese!

Peddler: Eh, no. But lookie here—

Guard 2: So you have no cheese?

(The peddler shakes his head no.)

Guards: (together) He has no cheese!

Peddler: But, good sir!

(The second guard picks up the peddler's horse, puts it in the cart, then kicks the cart so hard that it rolls backwards down the road past the horizon.)

Guard 2: No cheese!

Guard 1: And they call us barbarians!

(The guards start jumping up and down again. One of the peddler's speckled eggs is on the ground next to them. As the guards jump, the force of their landings crack the egg.)

(Setting: Odiferus, Uncouthma's palace.)

Uncouthma: Welcome back to Odiferus! (lifts Aladdin up into the air) Oh, my flimsy friend Aladdin, it has been too long, time-wise!

(Genie, Iago, Abu, Carpet, and Uncouthma's wife Brawnhilda are all watching.)

Genie: Here it comes…

Aladdin: Hi, Uncouthma!

(Uncouthma hugs Aladdin. We can hear a crunching sound and Aladdin winces.)

Brawnhilda: Tiny one! My heart muscle soars!

Aladdin: Oh no…

(Brawnhilda hugs him as well.)

Aladdin: Uh, it's good to be back, Brawnhilda.

Uncouthma: Oh, just in time for the semi-annual Odiferus Cheese Festival!

Aladdin: What?

Brawnhilda: A celebration of sour yak milk in its most delicious solid form!'

Aladdin: That was your big surprise?

Brawnhilda: Oh, no. This is!

Uncouthma: Presenting Uncouthma Limzola Stenchworth, Jr., our son.

Aladdin: Your son?

(A little redheaded boy kicks down the palace doors.)

Uncouthma Jr.: Pop! 'Laddin here?

Iago: Their son.

Genie: Aw! You're cute, Junior!

(The boy picks Genie up, crushes him into a tiny ball, and throws him across the room, where he lands in a cheese.)

Brawnhilda: Oh, he hates being called Junior. We call him Bud.

Genie: You couldn't have mentioned that earlier?

Bud: 'Laddin! (hugs Aladdin)

Aladdin: (wincing in pain) Hi, Bud.

Iago: Oh, if they introduce any more relatives Al's spine is a goner.

Uncouthma: (picking up Genie) Come, blue one! To the fairgrounds!

(Setting: the fairgrounds. Uncouthma is playing a "ring the bell" game: he hits a mallet to one end of a plank of wood, and a large round blue cheese on the other end of the plank shoots up into the air, ringing the bell.)

Uncouthma: Who's next for this moldy-but-goodie? Feeble friend Aladdin, care to bang the bell?

Aladdin: Uh, I don't know…

Iago: Maybe the kid should challenge them to a spelling bee instead!

(Aladdin sees Bud watching him admiringly, then goes over to the mallet rack and chooses the largest mallet, which is as large as he is.)

Aladdin: We'll see who's feeble!

(Abu runs up to Aladdin and tries to hand him a tiny mallet.)

Abu: Ta da!

Aladdin: No thanks, Abu. This is more my speed.

(Aladdin tries to pick up the mallet, but can't lift it. He drags it over toward the game.)

Genie: (who has taken the place of the blue cheese in the game, whispering) Just tap it, Al. I'll do the rest! (winks)

(Genie zaps the mallet, making it lighter. Aladdin picks it up, still thinking it's heavy, and falls over backwards.)

Bud: Hmm, never saw a hero do that before.

(General Gouda picks up the mallet.)

Gouda: A true hero smashes and bashes! Like so! (hits the game hard with the mallet, sending Genie flying high into the sky)

Bud: (scowling) 'Laddin bad basher!

(Setting: the Odiferan city gates. The two guards from earlier each have a plate of cheese and are taking turns punching the ground as hard as they can.)

Guard 2: Say I'm the better basher!

Guard 1: That hardly shook my spleen! Try this!

(The tremors have finally broken open the speckled egg, and a purple and green lizard comes out of it. It smells the guards' cheese, then runs over and starts eating it.)

Guard 2: (picking up the lizard) Leave my snack alone, little scaly thing!

(The lizard breathes in the guard's face. He falls over, unconscious.)

Guard 1: What?

(The lizard breathes on the other guard, who also falls over. As the lizard scampers under the gate and into the city, we can see the guards' faces have turned green with purple spots.)

(Setting: the fairgrounds. Many Odiferans are crowded around long tables, stuffing their faces with cheese.)

Man: General Gouda, is not our feast well curdled?

Gouda: Odum, you know your cheese!

(Genie and Aladdin are looking for a place to sit.)

Genie: Oh, there's more room inside my lamp than in here!

Aladdin: Maybe the other guys were right about skipping the feast.

Genie: (creates a crowbar and tries to pry a space between two Odiferans) Yeah, ordering a pizza is looking real good about now. (can't move the Odiferans, and is catapulted across the tent, where he lands in a pile of cheese)

(A passing Odiferan knocks Aladdin to the floor. Brawnhilda picks him up.)

Aladdin: Huh?

Brawnhilda: Let me find a place for you! You'll be safe from bruises here at the kiddie table. (sets Aladdin down at a table next to Bud)

Aladdin: Huh, thanks.

Bud: 'Laddin sits with me!

(The lizard, smelling the cheese, enters the tent.)

Bud: Can 'Laddin do this? (bends a fork)

Aladdin: Strongest is not always best, Bud.

(Uncouthma and Gouda hear this, and are so shocked they drop the cheese they're eating.)

Genie: (holding a particularly stinky cheese) How true. (slingshots the cheese away; it lands under a table where the lizard eats it)

Gouda: Do not fill this boy's head muscle with such flimsy fibs!

Uncouthma: (to Bud) Do not forget, Aladdin once saved your pop's life.

Bud: Thanks, hero 'Laddin! (tries to give Aladdin a high five and knocks him to the ground)

(Under the table, Aladdin sees the lizard. Seeing him, it runs away. Genie then appears in front of Aladdin.)

Genie: Ooh, are you okay?

Aladdin: Did you see—

Gouda: (picking Aladdin up) Aw, did the toddler hurt our dainty little legend? (laughs)

Aladdin: There was some kind of animal or something down there.

Genie: Well! Your true feelings have come out!

Aladdin: Not you, Genie. Some little thing scampered—

Gouda: Oh, don't be afraid of tiny scampering things. We'll protect you, hero! (laughs and walks away)

Bud: Pop, are you sure this is the 'Laddin?

Uncouthma: Make no mistake, this is Aladdin! (slaps Aladdin, knocking him to the ground)

Aladdin: Yeah, Bud. I'm me.

Odum: That little Aladdin is flimsy but funny! Bud nearly broke him in two! (laughs, then sees the lizard eating his cheese) My cheese!

(Odum raises his fist to smash the lizard, but it breathes on him, knocking him out. It then scampers away.)

Bud: Odum?

Aladdin: What's wrong with him?

Genie: (wearing a stethoscope) In my professional opinion, I'd say he's out like a light.

Uncouthma: Ah, do not worry about Odum, his heart muscle is strong. He's just a party animal!

Aladdin: But look at his face! That's not normal!

Gouda: Talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk! How typical of a flimsy fellow!

Aladdin: All I'm saying is—

Bud: Very typical! Very flimsy! (walks away)

Aladdin: I'm not that flimsy!

Genie: True, you're just not a barbarian! Your hygiene alone is far better.

Aladdin: I'm gonna prove myself to Bud.

(Setting: a boxing ring, in another part of the fairgrounds. Genie and Aladdin, who is not wearing a shirt, are inside the ring, and several Odiferans, including Uncouthma, Bud, and Gouda are seated around the ring.)

Genie: (rubbing Aladdin's shoulders) So you think Bud will like you more if you're pulverized into a liquid state.

Aladdin: See, Genie? Now even you think i'm flimsy!

Genie: Well, yeah, compared to a guy named Humongor!

(A huge muscular Odiferan is now also in the ring, shouting at the top of his lungs and flexing while the spectators cheer.)

Bud: Humongor can bash like no other!

Uncouthma: Ah, but he faces Aladdin!

Iago: (landing on Uncouthma's shoulder) Ya think the kid stands a chance?

Uncouthma: Of course, he is Aladdin!

Iago: Care to place a friendly wager on the bout?

Uncouthma: Aladdin will win!

Iago: (to himself) Oo, what a sucker!

(Humongor tries to hit Aladdin, who dodges. Aladdin grabs Humongor's arm, but is lifted into the air. He punches at Humongor's arm, while the larger man looks annoyed, but unhurt.)

Uncouthma: Canny move, frail hero!

Gouda: Crush the flimsy coward!

(Humongor yawns as Aladdin keeps punching his arm. The crowd laughs. Humongor finally tries to hit Aladdin, but he does a somersault off his arm and runs to the other side of the ring.)

Gouda: Coward!

Bud: Go bash the frail one, Humongor!

(Humongor tries to pick up Aladdin, who is clinging to the rope surrounding the ring.)

Genie: Al won't approve right now, but he'll thank me in the morning… if he's still alive! (turns into a bell and rings) That's it for round one, fight fans!

(Humongor lets go of Aladdin, slingshot-ing him out of the ring, where he knocks over the bench Uncouthma, Bud, and Gouda are sitting on. Gouda tosses him back into the ring.)

Iago: Surrender, kid. You'll come out alive and I'll come out ahead!

Aladdin: I don't want the Odiferans to think I'm a coward!

Iago: It's too late for that! Yet not too late to see a profit.

Genie: Al, it's time to—

Gouda: (ringing the bell) Fight!

(Humongor stomps on the other end of the plank Aladdin is standing on, knocking him up into the air. When he lands, he sees the purple and green lizard in the ring with them.)

Aladdin: Huh? Hey, it's that thing! Some kind of lizard!

(Humongor runs over and puts Aladdin in a headlock. The lizard breathes on Humongor's face. Humongor then lifts Aladdin up over his head.)

Gouda: The frail one is lost!

Bud: End it, Humongor! End it!

Genie: The bell can't save him now!

Abu: Uh oh!

(Humongor coughs, his face turns green with purple spots, and he passes out.)

Genie: I knew the kid could do it!

Abu: Wow!

Gouda: It cannot be!

Uncouthma: Aladdin wins!

(Iago tears out his feathers in frustration.)

(Uncouthma starts to hand Aladdin a trophy made of cheese, but notices the lizard inside of it, chewing on it.)

Uncouthma: Don't eat my frail friend's trophy!

(The lizard breathes on Uncouthma, who passes out. It then runs away.)

Aladdin: Uncouthma! That's what I saw before!

(Setting: the Odiferan palace.)

Brawnhilda: First I will care for my mighty man… then I will smash that lizard thing! This is personal!

Aladdin: But—

Gouda: Fear not, Princess Brawnhilda. I will smash the lizard thing!

Bud: And I will help you smash the thing!

Aladdin: You can't just smash it. You don't even know what it is! We've gotta find that creature and—

Gouda: And smash it!

Bud: Maybe you are afraid, little half-hero, but we will smash the lizard thing that hurt my pop!

Aladdin: There's more here than just some little lizard thing.

Iago: Don't tell me: it's up to us to figure out what it is.

Genie: Al, the Odiferans don't even know what that thing is, and they live here!

Aladdin: Then maybe it's not from around here. Come on!

(Setting: the city gates. Aladdin and his friends find the two unconscious guards.)

Aladdin: Just like the others!

Abu: Hey! (points at something)

Aladdin: Yeah, I see 'em, Abu. Wheel tracks.

Iago: Yeah, right, monkey. Like the lizard was cruising around in a late model cart.

Aladdin: It's worth a try. Come on, Carpet.

(They follow the tracks on Carpet.)

Aladdin: Down there!

(They see the peddler's cart, which is overturned, and land next to it. Abu sees the peppermint sticks spilled next to the cart and picks one up.)

Abu: Yum!

Genie: (dressed as a policeman, takes the peppermint away from Abu) Don't tamper with the evidence, rookie! (smells the peppermint) Mmm, minty! Ahem! We'll just take this back to the crime lab!

(Carpet reaches underneath the cart and starts to pull something out.)

Aladdin: Carpet? What is it?

(They pull the peddler out from under the cart; he's unconscious, and his face is green and purple.)

Genie: (holding pieces of eggshell) Look at this! Be my guest. (turns his head into a microscope)

Aladdin: (looking through the microscope and the green and purple eggshells) It's the same color as the victims' faces!

Genie: So the lizard hatched from that egg!

Iago: Oh, fellows? What's worse than a lizard with killer breath? (points to several other hatched eggs) Try half a dozen of those little stinkbombs!

Genie: Yeauch! The town must be crawling with the creepy critters! Lock the doors! Batten the hatches!

Iago: Why? They oughta fit right in with the fine citizens of Cheeseville!

Aladdin: That's it! Every time I saw that lizard it was eating cheese!

Genie: So, those little purple lizards and the stinky Odiferan cheese… it's a dangerous combination! Like… cookies and milk!

Aladdin, Iago, and Abu: What?

Genie: Oh, dangerous to the waistline.

Aladdin: (lifting the peddler onto Carpet) We've gotta tell General Gouda!

Iago: That'll require single syllable words. Even then, good luck.

(Setting: Outside a building in Odiferus. Aladdin and his friends have just arrived back.)

Gouda: (from inside) Smash! (grunting sounds)

Genie: Looks like Gouda's taking the subtle approach to the situation.

(The building's doors fall off their hinges, and we can see Gouda and Bud inside, hitting the floor with clubs.)

Bud: Smash and bash!

(The beams holding up the building begin to fall down. Part of the ceiling collapses onto the two Odiferans.)

Aladdin: We gotta dig them out! (starts moving the fallen stones)

Iago: It was the way they would have wanted to go: violently!

(Gouda emerges from the pile of rubble, holding a lifeless-looking lizard by its tail.)

Gouda: We have smashed the enemy! Let us celebrate.

Aladdin: But General Gouda, you've destroyed an entire building to stop one lizard.

Gouda: Impressive, mm?

Bud: We smashed tiny thing!

Aladdin: General Gouda, there's more than one of those lizards.

Gouda: Then we'll smash them all!

Bud: Ooh! More smash and bash!

Genie: Try again, Al.

Iago: Remedial Reasoning 101.

Aladdin: General, the problem isn't just the lizards. It's your cheese! You've got to shut down the Cheese Festival.

Gouda: Never!

Bud: 'Laddin not like cheese, Bud not like 'Laddin! Bud like General Gouda!

General: Because I am a huge and hearty hero!

(The lizard Gouda is holding wakes up and breathes in his face, knocking him out. Then several other lizards crawl out of the rubble and surround them.)

Iago: Hey, here's an idea: retreat!

(Setting: later, at the Odiferan palace. Aladdin and his friends and Bud are carrying the unconscious General Gouda inside.)

Iago: Fellas, there's no shame in running away. In fact, let's keep running!

Aladdin: (sarcastic) Yeah, thanks Iago. Your moral support is just what we need.

(Brawnhilda is looking after Uncouthma and Odum. Iago flies over to her.)

Iago: All right, where do you want sleeping doofus?

Brawnhilda: General Gouda, too?

Iago: Yeah, you're down one prince and a general. Now who's the big oaf on campus?

Brawnhilda: Bud.

(Aladdin and his friends look shocked.)

Brawnhilda: It is Odiferan law. With my beloved prince unable to rule and the trusty general unable to command, my son is in charge! I will care for the fallen. My boyish Bud will lead you to victory!

Bud: I say we smash!

Aladdin: Uh, would you give us a minute, Princess?

Genie: This stomp thing won't work against those creatures.

Aladdin: And it sure won't wake up the Odiferans.

Iago: Not that there's much difference between a conscious Odiferan and an unconscious one. (sees Abu scowling at him) Hey, don't get me wrong! I love those big lugs like brothers.

Bud: (chanting) Ready to smash! Ready to stomp! Ready to smash! Ready to stomp!

Iago: Thinking is not high on their to-do list.

Genie: Bird's got a point. Smashing and bashing is how they solve a problem.

Aladdin: And thinking is how I solve a problem. You're right, Bud! We've gotta stomp those lizards!

Iago: That's it! His brain has curdled!

Abu: Uh huh.

Aladdin: Now wouldn't it be easier to protect the cheese if it were all in one spot?

Bud: Uh, yes.

Aladdin: And it might be easier to stomp the lizards if they were in one spot, too?

Bud: Hmm… so we stomp them in one spot!

Aladdin: Not exactly. But you could put all the cheese into one spot.

Bud: Huh?

Aladdin: That would lure all the lizards into one spot. And then…

Bud: We stomp! Time to get the cheese! (runs off)

Iago: Like it was his idea. Junior's a natural born politician.

Aladdin: But how do we deal with bad breath?

Genie: (offering Aladdin the peppermint stick he picked up earlier) Breath mint?

Aladdin: (chuckles) Not for me, Genie. I'm talking about the lizards. (takes the mint) Why not?

Genie: Beats trying to get 'em to brush and floss.

(Setting: on the streets of Odiferus, that evening. Carpet is carrying a load of cheese, and Aladdin is running alongside him. Aladdin grabs pieces of cheese and throws them on the ground behind them, making a trail of cheese. The lizards follow them and tries to breathe on them, but Aladdin runs away.)

(In another part of town, Bud has piled up all the cheese in town. Aladdin's friends are with him.)

Bud: (rolling a huge cheese wheel onto the pile) Here it is, friends of the flimsy one! The last of the cheese!

Iago: (smelling the cheese) Oh! Even a celebrity couldn't sell that scent!

(Genie turns into the three witches from MacBeth, who are all holding peppermint sticks and stirring a cauldron.)

Genie: Double double, toil and trouble, cauldron burn and cauldron bubble!

(Aladdin is still making a trail of cheese leading toward the pile. The lizards are gaining on him.)

Aladdin: Come on, Carpet, get us out of here! (jumps on Carpet and they fly away from the lizards)

Genie: (throwing peppermint into the cauldron) Double double, toil and trouble, cauldron burn and cauldron bubble!

(Genie turns into a painter, dips a paintbrush into the cauldron, then paints a layer of peppermint over the entire pile of cheese. Some gets splashed on Iago and Abu.)

Iago: Watch it!

(Aladdin and Carpet reach the others, followed by all the lizards. The lizards start crawling all over the pile of cheese.)

Bud: Time to stomp?

Aladdin: Not yet.

(The lizards start eating the peppermint-covered cheese.)

Abu: Yuck!

Iago: I don't know what sickens me more: mint flavored yak cheese or the fact that they're actually eating it!

Genie: Oh, I hope this works, Al. Al?

(Aladdin is climbing the pile of cheese, toward one of the lizards.)

Aladdin: Only one way to find out.

Bud: 'Laddin faces scary lizard thing alone!

Iago: Yeah, he does that sort of thing.

Aladdin: (behind the lizard) Boo!

(The lizard breathes on Aladdin, but nothing happens.)

Aladdin: We did it!

Genie: Whew! The lizards are harmless now.

Bud: That means no stomp! I want to stomp!

Iago: Uh, let me know when this feeling passes.

(Setting: the Odiferan palace. Aladdin holds a lizard up to Uncouthma's face. It breathes on him, and he wakes up.)

Uncouthma: Cheese, please, I'm starving!

(Bud wakes up General Gouda, while Genie wakes up the peddler, who screams when he sees the lizard.)

Genie: Aw, the little guy's okay. I think he likes you.

(Genie lets the lizard go, and it curls up on top of the peddler's head.)

Uncouthma: I always knew the flimsy Aladdin was a hero!

Gouda: Never could one so frail defeat such a dangerous enemy.

Bud: I saw it! 'Laddin taught me: you can't always stomp!

(Gouda grunts dismissively.)

Bud: Sometimes you have to think.

Uncouthma: You have taught my son well. (hugs Aladdin)

Aladdin: Thanks, Uncouthma.

Uncouthma: This thinking, it will take time for it to catch on, but I like it!

THE END

43. In the Heat of the Fright / У страха глаза велики
(Setting: the desert. A group of cats, which appear to be made of fire, are standing at the top of a sand dune, looking down on a village on the banks of a river. They turn into balls of fire and fly down into the village, where they turn back into cats. They scratch at the village's grass huts with their fiery claws, setting them alight. A family, a man, woman, and their daughter, run out of one of the huts.)

Woman: Yama!

Man: Run! Run!

(Setting: another part of the river. Aladdin, Genie, Carpet, Iago, and Abu are in a boat, floating down the river. Genie is dressed as a cruise ship captain, Abu is steering, and Aladdin is writing in a book.)

Genie: Attention, passengers! Don't miss lambada lessons on the Leto deck with Jerry!

Iago: Bend in river, shallow shoreline...

Aladdin: (writing) Got it!

Genie: (clears throat) Sir? The chef would like to know if you'll be dining at the captain's table. (Carpet is standing behind him wearing a chef's hat.)

Aladdin: Genie, I promised the sultan I'd chart the river. (holds up the book; we can see a map of the river inside)

Iago: Fallen tree... keep up!

Genie: You'll be missing baklava bingo!

Aladdin: (laughs) Very tempting, but I have work to do.

Iago: Fallen tree, fez-shaped rock, village on fire...

Aladdin: Fire?! We have to help!

Iago: Who says? (Aladdin scowls at him) I mean, uh, did I say "village on fire"? I meant, "village having big weenie roast". There's really no reason to stop.

Aladdin: Genie, get us ashore.

(The villagers are still fleeing their homes. The fire cats jump from roof to roof, spreading the fire.)

Man: Yama!

(A boy is inside one of the huts, which is starting to collapse in flames.)

Boy: No! No! Aah!

(Aladdin runs in, picks up the boy, and carries him outside.)

Boy: (coughing) I...

Aladdin: It's all right. I'm—

(Two fire cats leap at Aladdin and the boy, but Carpet swoops down and carries them away, landing them on a hill on the other side of the river.)

Aladdin: You'll be safe here. Okay?

Boy: But, my sister!

Aladdin: Sister?!

(Aladdin and Carpet fly back into the burning hut and a second later fly out, carrying a girl. Three men run out of another burning building.)

Men: Yama! Yama! Yama!

(Iago is hiding in a sock on a clothesline as the men run past him.)

Iago: Yama?

(A fire cat sees Iago and scratches at the sock; Iago flies out with his tail on fire.)

Iago: Yama! (flies to a palm tree on the opposite side of the river and puts out the fire on his tail) They're fire and they're cats. These things give me the creeps on a variety of levels!

(The cat sees Iago and starts chasing him up the tree. Carpet and Abu see him and swoop down and rescue him.)

Iago: Monkey, you saved me! (suddenly angry) Now get your dirty paws off!

(Two fire cats turn into giant balls of flame and start chasing after Carpet. Carpet ducks and weaves, but can't lose them.)

Iago: We're broiled!

(Carpet suddenly stops.)

Iago: You stopped! What're you doing?! You stopped!

(Carpet flies back in the direction that he came, hitting the fire cats and knocking them out of the sky. Screeching like cats in pain, they burn down to tiny flaming patches on the ground.)

Iago: Hey, I'm still uncooked!

(Carpet pulls up next to Genie, who is floating in the air, watching television.)

Iago: Uh, Genie, if you haven't noticed, we have kind of a situation down below.

Genie: Shh, shh! Here comes the sad part! Bambi, run! Man is in the forest! Oh no!

(Genie starts to cry, and his tears put out all the fires in the village below. The fire cats turn to smoke when the water hits them.)

Aladdin: Thanks, Genie!

Genie: (blows his nose) You're welcome! And you know what? The movie had a happy ending, too!

(The children Aladdin saved and their father approach them.)

Boy: Look! The fire is going!

(The remaining cats, as balls of flame, fly off in the direction of the setting sun.)

Father: You have saved our village from complete destruction!

Iago: Oh, please, it was nothing... nothing short of stupendous! Are we talkin' reward?

Aladdin: Iago!

(Setting: a dark void, with rock floating in all directions. On one of the larger rocks is a building shaped like the Sphinx.)

Woman's voice: I grow unsettled, here in Morbia.

(The fire cats stand in front of the sphinx-shaped building, where a large fire is burning.)

Woman's voice: I await my pets' return from a simple task.

(A cat-headed woman in ancient Egyptian clothing rises out of the flame.)

Cat-headed woman: Are the peasants destroyed, I wonder? Surely we have at least broken their spirit? But with my own eyes I witness the unthinkable! You bowed down! You inflicted bruises; I ordered lacerations!

(The cat-woman scratches the air with her claws, and green magic slices through the air, scratching the fire cats, who shriek in pain. They land in two braziers at the front of sphinx, turning into bonfires.)

Cat-headed woman: But from the ashes of your humiliation I will forge sweet victory.

(The fires from the two bonfires rise and start to swirl in a circle; in the center we can see a vision of the earlier scene where Aladdin saves the boy from the burning building.)

Cat-headed woman: If it were not for this defiant one those farmers would be mine. Scratch a hero deep enough and you'll find the coward inside. (creates a giant cloud of smoke)

(Setting: back at the village)

Boy: You are very brave!

Aladdin: (chuckles) Well, I...

(Something appears in the sky; the villagers look up at it in horror.)

Iago: Now what?!

(A giant silhouette of the cat-woman's head appears in the sky, with glowing green eyes.

Father: (covering his daughter's eyes) The sky! It is... evil!

Iago: Oh, great.

(The silhouette disappears, and the cat-woman herself appears in its place, floating over the village. She floats past Aladdin and lands on the roof of one of the huts.)

Cat-headed woman: And... who are you?

Aladdin: I'm Aladdin!

Genie: Who wants to know?

Cat-headed woman: I am... Mirage. (scratches the air, sending streaks of green magic flying at Aladdin and Genie)

Genie: So! That violent display of magic is in lieu of a handshake?

Mirage: A bold hero and an amusing genie. What a delightful duo. And a delicious challenge! We are not finished! (vanishes)

Iago: Do you have any idea who that was?!

Genie: Well, she called herself Mirage. Are you saying she used a fake name?

Iago: I'm saying she's mean! Beyond mean! She invented mean!

Father: The people of Fellahim till the soil and grow food for the whole river valley! I don't understand why anyone would attack our small village.

Iago: Eh, let me spell it out for you, Old MacDonald. You people are doing something nice.

Genie: That's good!

Iago: That's bad. She hates good. She annihilates good. Evil is all she does.

(Abu chatters worriedly to Aladdin.)

Aladdin: Don't worry, she's gone now.

Father: It is late, Aladdin. Please, accept our hospitality and stay the night. Our food, it is very good!

Abu: Ooh, yummy!

Aladdin: Okay...

Genie: (tying a napkin around his neck) Ooh, this is the best part of all that hero stuff!

Iago: You don't get it! Evil Incarnate does not just go away!

Genie: I thought Evil Incarnate was a hyperintelligent wombat with a forked tongue.

Iago: You were in a lamp for ten thousand years—things change! Mirage is Evil Incarnate now, and she goes through genies like catnip. Well, I'm not missin' dinner! Could be our last. (exits)

(Genie looks worried.)

(Setting: Fellahim, later that night. Inside one of the huts, everyone is sleeping except Genie, who is dressed as a security guard watching monitors showing different views of the village. He is struggling to stay awake, and creates a cup of coffee. As he takes a sip, Mirage appears on all monitors. Genie spits out his coffee, and Mirage disappears. All the monitors now show static.)

Genie: Al? (makes a trumpet sound to wake him)

Aladdin: What?

Genie: Up and at 'em!

Aladdin: (yawns) It's still dark!

Genie: Never hurts to get an early start! By morning that river will be bumper-to-bumper. (goes to the boat) The Riverboat Red-Eye is ready for immediate departure! All aboard!

(The others get onto the boat.)

Iago: Like we had a choice.

(Abu and Iago go back to sleep, using Carpet as a blanket.)

Aladdin: (yawning) I'll man the rudder.

Genie: No, get some shut-eye, Al.

Aladdin: Okay. (falls asleep)

Genie: Snooze as you cruise, (yawn) that's our motto. (starts to nod off while steering)

(Mirage's face appears in the sky, and part of the river, carrying the boat, starts to lift up towards it.)

(Setting: The river, the next morning. The boat floats along, with everyone in it asleep. Suddenly Genie wakes with a start.)

Genie: I'll take "Cartoon Characters" for 200, Alex! (looks around) Huh? Oh...

(Aladdin wakes up, then Carpet. When Carpet moves we can see that Iago and Abu have snuggled up next to each other while sleeping. They then wake up, see what they're doing, and jump apart.)

Iago: Just a bad dream! Just a bad dream!

Aladdin: What's the report, Captain?

Genie: (panicking) Uh, uh... Right on course, mate!

(A rock starts to magically rise out of the water, and the boat hits it.)

Iago: Collision course, as usual.

(The boat has a hole in it where it hit the rock.)

Aladdin: (smirking) Awaiting your orders, Captain.

Genie: (as a mechanic) Rug-man, think we can patch up this tub?

(Carpet gives a thumbs up. Genie turns the fingers on one of his hands into a pencil, a saw, a hammer, and a screwdriver.)

Genie: Rush job! Pit crew, suit up! (he zaps Iago and Abu, who are now wearing overalls and baseball caps)

Aladdin: (jumps out of the boat) I'll scout for some breakfast.

Genie: Don't dawdle, Al! I want to get as far away from her—ha ha, I mean here—as possible.

(A few minutes later, Aladdin is climbing a tree to pick a bunch of bananas. There is the sound of a woman singing; it sounds like Jasmine.)

Aladdin: It can't be!

(Aladdin jumps to the ground, where he sees Jasmine, looking at a flower.)

Aladdin: Jasmine?

(Jasmine scowls at him and walks away.)

Aladdin: Jasmine, wait! (runs off after her)

(Back at the river, the boat is fixed, and the others are waiting impatiently for Aladdin to return.)

Genie: Ooh, what's taking Al so long?

(Genie looks at his watch, which has a Genie head on it.)

Genie watch: Did he say breakfast or brunch?

Genie: Where is he?!

Iago: Well, why don't you go find him?

Abu: Yeah, yeah!

Genie: No! I mean, uh... no, that wouldn't be wise, because... uh, I, uh, have to review Al's map! Check it for accuracy, you know.

Iago: Oh, sure. It's not like you're... scared!

Genie: No, no, no really! (reading) Okay, we passed the bend in the river, and the fallen tree. Hmm...

(He looks around and sees an eerily similar riverbend and fallen tree to the one they passed yesterday.)

Genie: Fez-shaped rock?

(The rock is also there.)

Genie: We sailed all night, and we're right where we started! It's Mirage! It's her magic, isn't it?! That's it, stand back!

Iago: What're you doing?!

(Genie turns the boat into a PT boat with a cannon at the front. Genie sits behind the cannon, dressed as a soldier.)

Genie: I'm bringin' down anything that flies!

(Back in the forest, Aladdin has finally caught up with Jasmine.)

Aladdin: Aha! Jasmine... (takes her hand)

Jasmine: Let go of me! Your little river trip gave me time to realize something. You could never be good enough for me!

(A deep pit appears behind Aladdin.)

Aladdin: But, Jasmine...

Jasmine: Farewell, street rat! (pushes Aladdin into the pit)

Aladdin: No! (grabs a root growing out the wall of the pit to stop his fall) Jasmine, help me!

("Jasmine's" eyes glow green. Aladdin climbs the root and manages to climb out of the pit.)

Aladdin: You're not Jasmine! You're...

Jasmine: (with Mirage's voice) A nightmare?

("Jasmine" changes into Mirage, and the forest starts to fade away, turning into the starry void from earlier in the episode.)

Mirage: Welcome to my world. Welcome to Morbia.

(Meanwhile at the river, Iago is screaming.)

Genie: Oh, my mistake! I'm a tad... itchy. I thought you were Evil Incarnate!

(Iago's tail feathers are charred, and there's smoke coming out of the cannon. Then the scenery starts to disappear, revealing that they are in Morbia as well.)

Genie: Yah! Oh! (his head flies off and his eyes pop out) What's happening?! Where are we?!

Iago: In a world of trouble! Mirage's world, Morbia!

Genie: (panicking) I knew it! I tried to get away, but now she's here! I mean, we're there! Which is here!

Iago: Snap out of it! You're the only magic we have on our side!

Genie: (calming down) Right. At least we're all together. Except Al. Where's Al?!

(Aladdin is now clinging to the edge of some floating debris, and Mirage is floating above him.)

Mirage: I almost had you, hero. No matter. I have eternity to teach you fear. And even if it takes that long, you will learn fear, Aladdin! (hisses at Aladdin, then laughs when he jumps back)

(Aladdin loses his grip and falls, screaming. He falls past the others, who are flying past on Carpet.)

Genie: Al?

(They dive after Aladdin and catch him.)

(Setting: Later, in a cave inside one of the larger asteroids floating around Morbia, where the gang are hiding.)

Aladdin: Thanks, guys. I'm glad you caught me instead of her.

Genie: (shining a flashlight on Aladdin) No problem, Al. We were just fleeing for our own pathetic lives at the time.

Iago: Uh, ya might wanna keep the kid out of the spotlight!

Genie: Whadda you mean?

Iago: In case you haven't noticed, Aladdin's the one she wants to pulverize into kitty litter!

Aladdin: Me?

Iago: Yes, sir. Heroes and Evil Incarnate don't mix!

Aladdin: You got that part right. We need a way to defeat her.

Genie: But, Al...

Aladdin: We can't hide here forever!

Genie: Sure we can! (creates a reclining chair, a standing lamp, and curtains over the cave entrance) It has a spectacular view! Albeit, into a terrible black nothingness...

(They see the fire cats jumping from rock to rock, searching for them.)

Mirage: (voice) Aladdin!

Genie: (gasps) She is after you!

Mirage: (voice) You can't hide. My fire cats are famished! They shall find you, Aladdin...

Genie: (to himself) Not if they find me first. Am I a genie or a weenie? (disappears)

Aladdin: We can beat her, we just have to find her weakness. Genie? Genie?

(Goes to tap "Genie", who is floating in front of the cave entrance, on the shoulder, but when he gets closer he sees it's an inflatable Genie.)

Aladdin: What? He's gone. It's just a dummy.

Iago: So shove it in the lamp and let's call it even!

Aladdin: The lamp! That's it!

(Aladdin takes the lamp out of his sash and rubs it. It makes a sound like a telephone ringing.)

Genie: (voice) Hi. Can't come to the lamp right now. Leave a wish, and I'll get back to you... I hope.

Iago: Hey, if the fire cats are after him, we're in the clear!

Aladdin: Carpet, let's go! (he and Abu get on Carpet) There's no way we can let Genie face them alone.

Iago: Oh, it's easy. We just lay low and—

(Aladdin grabs Iago and they fly out of the cave.)

(Setting: Mirage's palace. Genie is just outside the entrance.)

Genie: This was a very stupid idea. Glad I'm genie enough to admit my mistakes. Time to turn back. (starts to sneak away)

Mirage: (voice) Genie! You have come to fight me?

Genie: (turns yellow from fear) F-f-fight?

Mirage: (voice) Where is Aladdin? He's the challenger I long to vanquish.

Genie: (changes back to his normal color) Well, you've got one baaaad genie standing in the way!

Mirage: (voice) Oh, really?

(The fires in the two braziers in front of Mirage's palace turn into two giant fire cats. Genie screams when he sees them and runs into the palace to hide.)

Genie: Fire cats right behind me! But I'm ready... (turns his hand into a super soaker) I've got a water pistol and I'm not afraid to use it!

(Genie shoots a thin stream of water at the cats, who are unhurt and snarl at him. Seeing this, Genie turns bright yellow again.)

Genie: Okay, I'm afraid.

(The two fire cats grow even larger, filling almost the entire room.)

Genie: Well, at least Al is safe as long as the fire cats are after me!

(Genie runs into a different room, which has Egyptian coffins in it.)

Genie: Hey, I know! (wraps himself in bandages like a mummy) Hello! (climbs into a coffin)

(A fire cat enters the room. It opens the coffin Genie is hiding in and starts to sniff him.)

Genie: (thinking) I am a mummy, not a genie. I am a mummy, not a genie. I am a mummy, not a genie.

(The fire cat moves on. Genie breathes a sigh of relief, but as soon as he does the cat is back and snarling at him. Genie tries to run away, but the cat steps on the end of his bandages. He ends up being spun back out to the entrance of the palace. Two more giant fire cats appear out of the braziers, and one of the cats from inside has followed him out.)

Mirage: (voice) Do you like it hot, Genie?

(Mirage is floating behind Genie.)

Genie: (frightened) I prefer mildly spicy.

Mirage: Oh, but I like it burning hot! (hisses)

Genie: This can't be healthy! In fact, I'm pretty sure there's a Surgeon General's warning that covers this! Am I shrinking?

Mirage: Of course not, Genie. (laughs) My beasts are growing! Your cowardice is a sweet treat for them.

Genie: Well, if it's cowardice they want, I've got the market cornered!

Aladdin: You're wrong, Genie!

Genie: Al!

(Aladdin and the others have arrived, and are floating behind Mirage.)

Aladdin: What you have is courage.

Mirage: Your genie is a craven creature.

Aladdin: No, Mirage. Genie put himself on the line for us. That's true friendship and true bravery.

Genie: Hey, Al's right! I was so busy being afraid I didn't even know how brave I was! (turns back to his normal blue color)

Aladdin: Look, Genie! (points to the two fire cats in the braziers, which are shrinking) Without your fear to feed them—

Genie: They're shrinking!

Mirage: Fire cats, attack!

(The third cat leaps at Genie, who turns into a lion tamer.)

Genie: Cool down!

(The cat starts to shrink when it nears Genie, then flies away from him as a ball of fire.)

Aladdin: Come on! Let's get that stray! (he and Abu fly after the cat on Carpet, leaving Iago behind)

Iago: Hey!

(The cat leaps from rock to rock. Aladdin catches up to it and stares it down. Abu makes faces at it, and it shrinks to only a few inches high, then disappears.)

Mirage: Do not lose your strength, my pets! Find their fear and feed!

Iago: Feed on fear, okay. I can't be scared. I am not scared...

(The fourth cat is now behind Iago, growling.)

Iago: Correction: I am very much scared!

(The cat chases Iago. It corners him and is about to finish him off, when Genie appears behind the cat, in the form of a bulldog. The cat shrinks and disappears.)

Aladdin: Genie, you beat 'em!

Mirage: (voice) No!

(Mirage's palace disappears, replaced by a giant, floating disembodied head of Mirage, with glowing green eyes.)

Mirage: This defeat will only fuel my victory next time, Aladdin!

(There's a flash of light, and suddenly the gang are back in their boat, floating down the river.)

Aladdin: Genie, we did it.

Genie: We did do it! Yup, there's nothing like conquering Evil Incarnate.

Mirage: (voice) Conquered, am I?

(Genie screams and jumps into the river. Then we can see that it's really Iago imitating Mirage's voice.)

Iago: (with Mirage's voice) Oh that Genie... (starts laughing, in his normal voice) What a scaredy cat!

(A fire cat's paw appears and scratches at Iago, who squawks and flies away. We can then see it's Genie with one hand turned into a cat's paw.)

Genie: Better a cat than a chicken. (winks)

THE END

45. Smolder and Wiser / Ловок и горяч
(Setting: the Skull and Dagger. The place is packed with customers, and Abis Mal and Akbar are throwing daggers at a dartboard. Abis hits the bullseye.)

Abis Mal: Haha! Beat that, if you can!

Akbar: Akbar beat!

(Akbar throws several knives, swords, and even an axe. They all miss the board completely. He then glares at Abis Mal.)

Abis Mal: Uh, you win! Nice playing with you! (shakes Akbar's hand and hurries away from him)

Akbar: (laughs) Akbar win!

(Abis Mal goes to sit down at a table hidden behind a curtain. Haroud is already seated there.)

Abis Mal: I am so sick of hanging around this den of thieves! When is this magic guy gonna get here?

Voice: I am here, and everywhere.

Abis Mal: What? Who said that?

(A green-skinned man appears in a puff of smoke.)

Green-skinned man: I did.

Abis Mal: Say! Nice entrance! Wasn't that nice, Haroud? You know, I was just thinking it's so rare to see a really original entrance nowadays. I remember, in the old days…

Haroud: Ahem! The business at hand, sir?

Abis Mal: Oh, right. Do you have it?

Green-skinned man: The Candle of Magma.

(The man sets a red candle with a face carved into it onto the table. Abis Mal hands over a bag of gold coins. The man laughs disappears in another puff of smoke, except for his eyes.)

Green-skinned man: A pleasure doing business with you. Let me know if you need anything else, hmm? I have an excellent cure for baldness. (the man's glowing eyes disappear as well)

Abis Mal: At last, Magma is mine to control! (laughs) Baldness? I told you I need a bigger hat! This one doesn't cover enough of my forehead!

(Aladdin, wearing a disguise with a hood, reaches through the curtain toward the Candle of Magma. He's almost reached it when there's a sound of falling coins. Everyone in the Skull and Dagger turns to look, and sees Iago and Abu trying to steal a purse full of coins.)

Iago: Heh heh heh! Whoops!

Akbar: Birdie and monkey steal from Akbar? (grabs them) Akbar punish!

Iago: Al!

Abis Mal: I know those animals! They belong to… (scans the crowd) Aladdin!

(Aladdin takes off his disguise.)

Abis Mal: See? See? Ten gold coins to the man who brings me Aladdin! And I don't care how many pieces he's in!

(A bunch of thieves run after Aladdin, but he somersaults away from them.)

Akbar: Akbar crush!

(Aladdin jumps on Akbar's table, knocking it into his stomach. He let's go of Abu and Iago, and Aladdin catches them. He then dodges another thief's sword and several thrown daggers.)

Aladdin: (annoyed) Thanks a lot, guys.

Iago: What?

Aladdin: Stop him!

(Aladdin jumps into a barrel full of fish and rolls towards a group of thieves running towards him, knocking them down. They roll out the door and into the street, where the barrel hits a wall and breaks open.)

Aladdin: If you're finished playing smash-up derby, can we leave now?

Abis Mal: (running outside and pointing at Aladdin) There! Get 'im!

(Abis, Haroud, and the other thieves chase Aladdin down a side street. Two baskets are dropped on Abis and Haroud from above; the other thieves keep running. Aladdin has climbed up on a rooftop and dropped the baskets down on them.)

Iago: Now is the time to make with the getaway!

Aladdin: Not until I find out what's so important about that candle. (jumps down from the roof) Give me the candle!

Abis Mal: Oh, that little knickknack? It's for my mother! Really!

Aladdin: (sighs) Hand it over, Abis Mal. Unless you'd rather give it directly to the sultan's guards.

Abis Mal: No no no! Give it to him, Haroud!

Haroud: As you wish, sir. (blows a handful of dust into Aladdin's face)

Aladdin: What was that?

Abis Mal: Yeah! What was that?

Haroud: It was the Curse of Clumsiness.

Aladdin: What?

Abis Mal: (laughs) Let's see you do that fancy jumping around stuff now, streetrat! You'll be as clumsy as a… as a…

Haroud: An ox.

Abis Mal: I was going to say that!

Aladdin: Curse of Clumsiness? Yeah, right.

(Abu steals the Candle of Magma from Haroud and throws it to Aladdin, who fumbles it.)

Aladdin: Whoops!

Haroud: You were saying?

(The group of thieves runs back towards them.)

Thief: There they are! Get them!

Aladdin: Uh, could have happened to anyone!

(Aladdin picks up the candle and starts to run away. He runs up a pile of crates, but slips and falls into a barrel. The barrel rolls past the thieves and breaks. Aladdin tries to detangle himself from a rope that was inside the barrel as the thieves run towards him. He tries to run away but slips on a fish, and when he falls another fish gets stuck on his head.)

Aladdin: Hey!

(The thieves jump on Aladdin and they start fighting. Meanwhile, Haroud picks up the Candle of Magma, which has fallen on the ground.)

Haroud: Our business here is done, sir.

Abis Mal: (still stuck in the basket) Yes, yes! Excellent! Uh, be a pal and help me out of this, huh?

(Haroud drags Abis away.)

Iago: (flying back toward Aladdin) Call for backup, that's my policy.

(Carpet is right behind Iago, and Iago points down to where Aladdin is still trying to fight off the thieves with a fish still stuck on his head. Carpet flies down and picks him up.)

Aladdin: What… what's wrong with me?

Iago: (pulling the fish off Aladdin's head) You heard the man! Curse of Clumsiness. I wouldn't wanna be you!

Aladdin: No, there's gotta be some cure! Genie'll know what to do… I hope. (struggles to keep his balance on Carpet as they fly away)

(Setting: Jafar's lab.)

Genie: Curse of Clumsiness?! Never heard of it.

Jasmine: It looks like Jafar had every magic book there is. There must be something in them!

Aladdin: Heh, thanks Jasmine. You always know just what to say.

(Jasmine walks away just as Aladdin leans over to kiss her, and he falls to the floor, almost knocking over a table covered with potions.)

Genie: Careful, Al! No telling what could happen if you spilled one of these potions!

Iago: (carrying a book) Relax, guys! I found every evil wizard's greatest reference book: The Joy of Curses. If it isn't in here, it doesn't exist. (starts reading the book) Let's see… aches and pains, acid stomach… boils! Ooh, that's a good one!

(Aladdin is leaning on the table full of potions. He slips and knocks it over, and the potions all go flying across the room, where they combine to form a six-headed dragon.)

Genie: Ooh, what a mess! (vacuums up the dragon) Gotta get these six-headed dragons right away or they'll leave a stain.

Aladdin: Ugh, that's it! I've had enough! Genie, zap me!

Genie: What do you mean?

Aladdin: Cure me! Just use your powers to make me normal again!

Genie: Oh, Al, bad idea! Mixing magics is dangerous! The last time I tried it on someone, (shudders) oh, I'm still picking pieces of that guy outta my hair!

Aladdin: But Genie… (stumbles) Whoa! I can't go on like this. We'll have to take that chance.

Genie: (nervous) Well, okay… Everybody duck! This could get messy! (zaps Aladdin)

Aladdin: Hey, I feel normal! Genie, you did it!

Genie: Well, let's run a test before we break out the party favors. (turns into a football player) Go long, Al!

(Genie throws a football to Aladdin, who catches it, then stumbles backwards down a flight of stairs.)

Genie: Uh huh…

Iago: (still reading the book) Wait a minute! Look at this!

Jasmine: Did you find the cure?

Iago: No, but I did find this. And if Abis Mal has it we're in big trouble!

(We can now see a large illustration of the Candle of Magma in the book.)

(Setting: Abis Mal's hideout.)

Abis Mal: So, where did you get the money to buy that Curse of Clumsiness? Have you been dipping in the petty cash?

Haroud: There is no curse, sir! It was a ruse!

Abis Mal: A ruse? A ruse? Oh, a ruse. Yes, I thought you said "shcluze". I was about to try a similar ruse myself.

Haroud: Of course. But the matter at hand, sir?

Abis Mal: Uh, right, yes, the candle!

(They light the candle and place it on the floor. A crack opens up in the floor, and a creature who looks very similar to the candle except made of molten rock climbs out of it.)

Abis Mal: That's two really nice entrances in one day!

Magma: Who summons Magma, Lord of Volcanoes?

Abis Mal: Uh, that would be me. You, my igneous friend, are going to make me a sultan!

Magma: (holds Abis over the crack in the ground, which is filled with lava) You dare call Magma to this frigid land?! Magma will return to warm inner Earth.

Abis Mal: (scared) Okay, sorry, see ya!

Haroud: He summoned you, ifrit! According to ifrit law you must stay and do his bidding until you have fulfilled his request.

Magma: Then, thin one, tell Magma, how can he make a sultan of this fat one?

Abis Mal: Not to worry. We've got it all worked out. (to himself) Fat one?

(Setting: Sultan's toy room. Sultan is playing with his model of Agrabah.)

Sultan: (singing) Happy happy little Agrabanians, all buying bread…

(A crack opens in the floor and Magma bursts out of it.)

Magma: Sultan! You will surrender your kingdom to Abis Mal.

Sultan: What?! Never!

(Magma throws a handful of lava at the model city, melting it.)

Magma: Then all of Agrabah will suffer the wrath of Magma! (laughs)

(Setting: the Marketplace. Heat is rising out of the ground, and people are having a hard time walking without burning their feet. A tree catches on fire, and the water in wells is boiling away. Omar the merchant is sitting on his fruit stand to keep his feet off the hot sand.)

Omar: Heat that rises from the ground! It is the work of demons!

(A cart next to him catches on fire, and the fire quickly spreads to the fruit stand.)

Omar: We can't live this way much longer!

(Setting: the palace. Sultan, Jasmine, Genie, Carpet, and Iago are entering a room.)

Sultan: Aladdin! You've got to do something, the c—

(The group sees that Aladdin is tangled up in some curtains and is hanging upside down.)

Sultan: My dear boy, how did you ever get up there?

Aladdin: Uh, I tripped on a pillow?

Abu: Oh, brother!

Jasmine: Aladdin, Agrabah needs you!

Aladdin: I can't do anything, Jasmine. This clumsiness is getting worse! I'm… I'm… (sigh) I'm all washed up.

Jasmine: Don't talk like that. Clumsy or not, you're the best thing that's ever happened to me. I have faith in you.

Aladdin: Well, I'll do what I can. (untangles himself from the curtain and falls to the floor) Ow!

(Genie appears in an elevator, dressed as an elevator operator.)

Genie: On your feet, Al! (pushes everyone but Sultan into the elevator)

Aladdin: Hey, where're we going?

Genie: Well, the heat is coming from underground, so I figured we'd go straight to the source!

Sultan: Oh my!

(The elevator drops quickly; everybody screams. It then stops just as suddenly.)

Genie: Bottom floor, Earth's core, last one out's a saddle sore!

(They look out of the elevator and see a hellish landscape of fire and molten rock. Magma is directing the flames up toward the surface and laughing, while Abis Mal and Haroud watch.)

Abis Mal: That's it, Magma! Make those Agrabanians sweat!

Iago: I think we're just a scootch out of our league!

(Aladdin and Jasmine try to sneak towards the bad guys, but Aladdin trips on a stalagmite and falls at Abis Mal's feet.)

Abis Mal: (chuckles) Graceful as ever. Magma, take care of this, uh…

Haroud: Street trash.

Abis Mal: I was going to say that!

Magma: The pleasure is all mine.

(Genie turns himself, Iago, and Abu into clowns, and they all spray seltzer on Magma to distract him while Aladdin gets away.)

Genie: Send in the clowns!

(Aladdin does a flip towards Abis Mal and Haroud, but misses them and falls screaming off a cliff and towards a river of magma.)

Aladdin: Genie!

(Genie dives after Aladdin, while the bad guys advance on Jasmine. Carpet tries to stand in their way, but Magma singes him.)

Abis Mal: I can't bring myself to destroy such beauty… All right, I'm over it. Fry her, Magma!

(Magma is about to throw some molten rock at Jasmine, but Genie rises back up out of the canyon, carrying Aladdin.)

Genie: Don't break out the skillet yet, boys! (hangs Aladdin on a stalagmite by his vest) Nothing personal, Al. For your own safety. Ours, too.

Aladdin: Genie! Let me down!

(Genie turns into a 1930's gangster with a tommy gun.)

Genie: I'm puttin' you three on ice!

(Genie shoots ice cubes out of his machine gun, completely covering Abis Mal, Haroud, and Magma. Magma breaks through the ice, but all three of them are still shivering.)

Magma: Ooh, such cold! But it is not that easy to be rid of Magma!

(Genie turns into a construction worker driving a cement truck, and pours cement over the three bad guys.)

Genie: A little rough, but they'll look nice in the park.

(Magma tunnels out of the concrete and grabs Jasmine.)

Aladdin: Jasmine!

(Genie runs toward Magma, but Magma traps him with some slabs of rock. Jasmine tries to get away, but Magma throws her to the ground.)

Magma: You have angered Magma. Now you will face his fury.

Aladdin: No! Jasmine!

(Magma is about to drip molten lava onto Jasmine, but Aladdin manages to free himself from the stalagmite, slides on a piece of the melting ice, picks up a piece of rock and slides over to Magma, blocking the hole at the top of his head where the lava was coming out. While Magma is writhing in pain, Aladdin turns around, slides over to Jasmine, and carries her to safety. Just as Magma manages to get the rock out of his head, Aladdin and Jasmine slide off the cliff and land on Carpet.)

Aladdin: Let's go!

(Genie finally manages to drill his way out of his stone prison, then drills a hole in the ceiling of the cave so they can escape. Everyone else follows him on Carpet.)

Abis Mal: They're escaping! (to Magma) I leave you in charge for one minute…!

Magma: Hold your tongue, fat one. Do not tempt me to violate ifrit law by destroying you.

Abis Mal: Me, tempt? I would never… tempt. There will be no tempting! I'm a tempt-free zone over here.

Magma: This Aladdin has made a fool of Magma! And Magma shall have his revenge!

(Magma creates a pillar of fire underneath the ground the three are standing on, lifting it up into the air and through the tunnel Genie created.)

(Genie continues tunneling until he reaches the surface, and they emerge in the Marketplace. The bad guys arrive just after they fly away, and everyone in the Marketplace runs away.)

Magma: They're gone.

Abis Mal: Blast those… uh, hmm…

Haroud: Meddling pests.

Abis Mal: I was going to say that! They could be anywhere!

(Aladdin and the others are at the top of a minaret, looking down at the bad guys.)

Aladdin: Jasmine, when I saw Magma threatening you…

Jasmine: You broke the curse!

Aladdin: Hey, you're right!

Iago: Has it occurred to anyone else that maybe there never was a curse?

Genie: Of course! It was all in your head! You thought there was a curse, so you thought you were clumsy! You just lost your confidence!

Aladdin: And now that I've got it back, watch out, Abis Mal!

(Abis Mal, Haroud, and Magma are walking through the empty Marketplace.)

Magma: (shivering) The surface is cold. Magma will freeze before he can find Aladdin!

Haroud: Then let's not find him.

Abis Mal: Are you a quitter, Haroud? You know what I say about quitters! Okay, what do I say about quitters?

Haroud: I simply meant, sir, that we make Aladdin come to us.

Abis Mal: (sarcastic) Oh, that's good. I suppose we just stroll into the palace and invite him to grovel at my feet!

Haroud: Precisely.

(Setting: the Marketplace, a short while later. Abis Mal is giving a speech to a crowd. Aladdin and his friends are still in the minaret, watching him.)

Abis Mal: Citizens of Agrabah! I have sent my advisor to the sultan with an ultimatum. I demand to be given the throne and to have Aladdin delivered into my hands immediately or I will burn Agrabah to a cinder. (to Magma) Give 'em a preview!

Magma: It will be most welcome. (shoots lava at a building, setting it on fire)

Aladdin: We've gotta stop them! Okay, here's the plan…

(Aladdin and his friends appear next to Abis Mal in a cloud of smoke.)

Abis Mal: How about that, huh? Start groveling whenever you like.

Genie: (waving his hands) Abba zabba zoo, flippy flappy flu! (zaps Abis Mal and Magma) You have been cursed with a flu spell! You will now feel all sniffly and gross!

Abis Mal: (sniffing) Uh oh! (feels his forehead)

Magma: (suspicious) Where did you learn this curse?

Genie: Uh, "Better Homes and Curses". Bet you're all achy by now!

Magma: I am not sick. You are a liar, genie! There is no such curse.

Abis Mal: (blowing his nose) No one gives Mama Mal's little boy the sniffles and gets away with it! Toast 'em, Magma!

Magma: As you wish. (surrounds Aladdin and his friends with a ring of fire)

Jasmine: We're trapped!

(Carpet flies them away just before the ring fills up with lava. Magma then starts throwing balls of lava at them; one grazes Carpet, setting him on fire.)

Jasmine: Carpet!

(Carpet falls out of the sky, and they all land back in the minaret.)

Genie: (as one of the brooms from Fantasia) Sweep that problem under the rug, my tasseled chum! (throws a bucket of water on Carpet, extinguishing him)

(Magma creates a ring of fire around the minaret, causing it to topple over. Everyone lands safely on the ground, except Aladdin, who is dangling from a piece of fallen masonry over a well.)

Iago: Oh, my vertebrae!

(Aladdin climbs up and stands on the piece of stone. Meanwhile, Magma digs himself out of a pile of fallen rocks, then walks out onto the stone with Aladdin, over the well.)

Magma: Soon you will be at peace, Aladdin.

(Aladdin notices the stone beneath Magma's feet is starting to crumble.)

Magma: Magma's vengeance has come, and now you meet your end!

Aladdin: Not quite.

(Aladdin jumps off of the stone, which crumbles beneath Magma, sending him falling into the well. A burst of steam comes out of the well.)

Aladdin: Genie!

(Genie bolts a sheet of metal over the opening of the well. Pressure builds up inside it.)

Genie: Uh, I'd stand back if I were you!

(The metal lid on the well pops off, and Magma is hurtled, screaming, towards the sun.)

Genie: (as a scientist) Well, according to my figures, he'll hit the sun smack dab in the middle. I just love happy endings! He'll finally be somewhere warm enough!

Aladdin: Hey, where's Abis Mal?

Genie: Don't worry, Al. I think he's got problems of his own.

(Setting: Abis Mal's hideout. Abis Mal is covered in a blanket, has his feet soaking in hot water, and is sneezing. Haroud brings him a bowl of soup.)

Abis Mal: Darn that Genie and his flu curse!

Haroud: How many times do I have to tell you, sir? There is no curse! It was another ruse! Remember the Curse of Clumsiness?

Abis Mal: Oh yeah? Then how come I'm all sniffly, huh, smart guy?

Haroud: Because you are a complete i… i… (struggling to speak because he is so angry)

Abis Mal: Idiot?

Haroud: (smug) I was going to say that. (walks away)

Abis Mal: How dare you! (hops after him in his tub of water) Haroud! Haroud! Come back here! (trips and falls) Oh, that's gonna leave a mark for sure. Achoo!

THE END

47. Snowman Is an Island / В плену у скуки
(Setting: a mountainous, snow-covered landscape. Aladdin and his friends are trudging through a blizzard. Genie is in the lead, wearing snowshoes, followed by Aladdin, Abu, and Iago. Genie seems happy; everyone else looks annoyed.)

Genie: Ooh, look at the pretty flakes! No two alike, you know. Isn't this the best shortcut? Yep, nothing like the great outdoors.

Aladdin: Uh, yeah, right. Are you sure we're going the right way, Genie?

Genie: Have I ever mentioned my semi-phenomenal, nearly cosmic sense of direction?

Iago: We're lost.

Genie: (turns into an ice cream vendor; singing) I scream, you scream, we all scream for... frozen yoghurt! Fat free! We're on the cusp of bikini season, you know!

Aladdin: Another suggestion from the mind that brought us the short cut.

Genie: I know! Let's play a game. I spy with my little eye something that starts with S!

Iago: (landing on Genie's shoulder) Aaah! All of this cheery prattle is making my ears go numb!

Genie: Ears? (gives Iago a giant pair of ears) Oh, there they are!

Iago: My sanity is dangling by a thread and the genie's not helping! I vote we turn back now? What's the worst thing that could hap—

(Genie disappears out from under Iago, then reappears as a fortune teller with a crystal ball.)

Genie: I see tidal waves and typhoons, fevers and famines, pimples and papercuts!

(Iago and Abu advance toward Genie angrilly, holding icicles like daggers. Aladdin takes the icicles away from them.)

Aladdin: Calm down, guys. We're all a little edgy, but we've gotta stick together.

Genie: (as a male cheerleader) That's right, guys, we're a team! Team Aladdin! Let's hear it for the team! (honks a horn)

(The sound of the horn starts an avalanche, which is headed towards them.)

Aladdin: Oh, no!

Genie: Oops.

(A large piece of ice breaks beneath their feet, and they slide down the mountain on it, just ahead of the avalanche. They then crash headfirst into a snowbank.)

Aladdin: Genie, don't do that again.

Iago: Well, so much for going back the way we came.

Abu: Ooh! (points up at something)

Genie: (looking in the direction Abu pointed) Cool!

Aladdin: (shivering) I'd say freezing! (turns around) Wow!

(They are in front of a giant castle which blocks the entire valley.)

Genie: Whoa! What a place to put a castle!

(Genie walks up to the door, which has a doorknocker on it shaped like a gargoyle's head. He pulls out a map.)

Genie: Not exactly convenient to shopping and schools.

Aladdin: Genie, can you give us five minutes without clowning?

Genie: Sure! Say no more!

Aladdin: We can't go around, but maybe we can go through.

(Aladdin tries to use the gargoyle doorknocker, but, when he touches it, its eyes glow green and it hisses at him.)

Gargoyle: None may pass without the leave of the castle lord! And the mighty yeti lord Kutato may not be in a generous mood. (the door opens slowly) Enter if you dare.

Iago: Uh, I have a rule about doing anything that ends with the words "if you dare"!

Aladdin: So we sweet-talk the lord of the castle. How hard can that be?

Genie: Right! You date a princess, you hang with a sultan, you have a way with royalty!

Iago: (to the doorknocker) Uh, let's recap the "if you dare" thing.

(The door starts to close, and Iago barely makes it inside before it's shut.)

(They walk along a hall inside the castle. There are gargoyle head sculptures along the walls of the castle that look just like the doorknocker. Their eyes glow green as the group passes them.)

Aladdin: I feel like we're being watched.

Gargoyle: You are.

Iago: Does this concern anyone but me?

(There's a loud breathing sound coming from behind a large door.)

Aladdin: Is that... breathing?

(They open the door and look inside. There is a yeti sleeping on a comfortable chair in front of a fireplace.)

Aladdin: Think that's the castle lord?

Iago: Either that or the guy who at him.

Gargoyle: You are in the presence of the castle lord!

(The yeti stirs, then goes back to sleep.)

Aladdin: (waving nervously) Hi! Ahem! (bowing) Greetings, my lord! We, um, seek permission to pass through your castle?

(The yeti opens his eyes, glares at them, and starts stretching his claws one by one.)

Aladdin: Uh, see, we were heading back home from Odiferus and kinda got off track!

(The yeti slowly scratches the wall with his claws.)

Aladdin: Did he just cut through stone with his claws?

Genie: Correct.

Aladdin: You know, turning back doesn't sound too bad right now.

(They start to run out of the room, and Lord Kutato stands up and roars at them.)

Aladdin: Genie?

Genie: Want to am-scray?

Aladdin: Fast!

Genie: (as a hot air balloon) Throw the parrot overboard! He's weighing us down!

(Kutato looks confused.)

Aladdin: Genie, we aren't moving!

Genie: No problemo!

(Genie gives them all rollerblades. No one but Genie knows how to skate, so they all roll around the room uncontrollably. Kutato smiles.)

Aladdin: (falling down) Genie!

Genie: Ooh! Sorry, Al!

Aladdin: Genie, hurry!

Genie: Okay, one great escape coming right up!

(Genie is suddenly on a unicycle, and the others are balanced on a wooden chair balanced over his head.)

Aladdin: Genie!

(They all fall to the ground, and Kutato starts laughing.)

Aladdin: Genie, it's not funny!

Genie: I'm not laughing, Al!

(Kutato, still laughing, picks up Genie and gives him a noogie.)

Genie: He likes me! Hey, maybe we don't have to leave after all!

(A stage appears.)

Genie: (voice over) Let's give a cool arctic welcome to the ambassador of amusement, the hardest working man in wonderment, the magistrate of magic...

(The curtains open, revealing Genie wearing a striped suit.)

Genie: Genie! Thank you, thank you, thank you, ladies and snowmen. (dancing) Hey, this really wowed 'em in Babylon!

(Genie falls down, and we can see that it's not the "real" Genie, but a giant marionette that Genie is controlling from above. The Genie puppet is then taken away and replaced by Iago and Abu, who are dressed as jesters and are being controlled with strings like marionettes. Abu is holding a club.)

Genie: Hey, kids! It's the Punch and Moody show!

(Iago and Abu start fighting. Kutato laughs, and Genie comes up to him and fans out a deck of cards.)

Genie: Go on, take one. I'll guess it.

(Kutato picks a card and looks at it. It's the king of hearts with Genie's picture on it as the king.)

Genie: King of hearts! Am I right?

Genie (as the card): I'm just overflowing with love! (hearts fly everywhere) Ooh, this'll be a mess!

(Another Genie appears in the form of Cupid.)

Genie (Cupid): Not a problem! (starts shooting the hearts with arrows)

(Kutato watches all of this, smiling.)

Aladdin: Huh, he really loves Genie!

Iago: How sad, very sad. There's no helping the comedically-challenged.

(Setting: the castle exit, a short while later. Aladdin, Iago, and Abu are there.)

Gargoyle: Lord Kutato has granted you leave to pass through our gates.

(The door opens, revealing the valley on the other side of the castle. There is no snow; everything is green and lush.)

Aladdin: Wait, where's Genie?

(A fancy car drives up, the door opens, and a red carpet rolls out, with Genie at the end of it, wearing a Hawaiian shirt and sunglasses.)

Genie: Yo, babe.

Aladdin: Kutato's letting us cut through the castle!

Genie: Haha! Al, whoa! I can't leave yet! I've got some sure-fire material to try out on his hairy-ship!

Aladdin: I don't know, Genie.

Iago: Kid, we can't stand in the way of top-draw family entertainment!

Genie: At least the yeti guy appreciates me.

Aladdin: We do too, Genie. You know that.

Abu: Yeah!

Aladdin: We're just not sure about him.

Genie: Hey, I'll catch up later! Right now, my number one fan demands an encore! (disappears)

(Aladdin and the others walk out of the castle, and the gate closes behind them.)

Iago: It's beautiful!

Aladdin: Yeah! It's like a whole new world on this side of the castle.

Iago: I meant no Genie! Listen to the quiet!

Aladdin: Yeah... I miss him already.

Iago: Oh, please, what do you miss exactly? His non-stop babble? Or maybe you miss his magical fiascos, like, say, an avalanche, to cite a recent example?

Abu: Yeah!

Aladdin: Genie can get out of hand—

Iago: Look, he's found a sucker who actually likes his hocus-jokus! Let him enjoy it and give us a break! We'll see him again all too soon.

Aladdin: You're right, Iago. Genie's probably having a great time. He'll catch up.

(They walk away.)

(Setting: inside the castle. Kutato is still watching Genie.)

Genie: (as a trapeze artist) I fly through the air with the greatest of ease! Oops! I forgot this was a solo act! (falls)

(Genie turns into a basketball player and the basketball he is dribbling.)

Genie (basketball): Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!

(Genie slam dunks the basketball, then turns into a hula dancer and sings in faux-Hawaiian.)

Genie: Big finish! (decorates the room in a Hawaiian theme) Welcome to the enchanted genie room!

(Kutato laughs and claps, then all the decorations disappear.)

Genie: You've been a super, fantabulous audience. It's been metaphysical, I really mean it. (hands Kutato an autographed photo) Now, before I catch up with my pals, I'd...

(Kutato walks towards him carrying a giant glass bottle.)

Genie: Just... like... to... say... Uh oh.

(Kutato traps Genie in the bottle.)

Genie: So then, the big hairy monster says, "that genie is so much fun, I oughta have him bottled."

(Setting: The valley beyond the castle. Aladdin, Abu, and Iago are walking along a road.)

Aladdin: I really thought Genie would join us by now. (takes out the lamp) I'd better tell him to hurry up.

Iago: No, please! Let the peace and quiet last a little longer!

Aladdin: Sorry, Iago. Quiet time is over. (rubs the lamp)

(Setting: the castle. Kutato is watching Genie inside the bottle.)

Genie: (as a French maid holding a cat) But monsieur, if this is the cat, where is the lobster?

(Another Genie runs past with a lobster hanging from his nose.)

Genie: My face! Get it off my face!

(Kutato thumps his armrest with his fist. There's what looks like static inside the bottle, as if the channel is changing. Genie turns into a salesman.)

Genie: The Copenhagen formula actually reduces male pattern stupidity!

(Kutato thumps his fist again, and the "channel" changes. Genie turns into a baseball player.)

Genie: (voice over) Holy cow! It's a towering homer for the plucky young rookie from Agrabah!

(Setting: Outside)

Aladdin: Where is he?

Iago: See? He's having a good time! Why rain on his parade?

Aladdin: (rubbing the lamp) Genie always comes when I call him! Something's wrong.

(Setting: inside the castle. Kutato changes the "channel" repeatedly, and Genie turns into a cowboy, Bonkers, a housewife, a cow, the Godfather, a pirate, and then back to his normal self.)

Genie: Please, please! No more! I'm exhausted!

(Kutato scowls at him, roars, and thumps his armrest again.)

(Setting: outside)

Aladdin: Come on, we've gotta go back.

Iago: Go back? No way! Okay, hypothetically speaking, what if it was me? Would you leave me behind?

(Aladdin and Abu have already started back towards the castle.)

Iago: Hey, you're leaving me behind! It was a hypothetical question! (follows them)

(Setting: the castle)

Genie: Gee, Kutato! Thanks for letting me go! (turns into Kutato) Well, I learned my lesson, Genie. The best way to keep a friend is to set him free. Aw, you're the best friend ever.

(Kutato looks confused.)

Genie: If you'd like to learn more about letting genies go, your local library suggests "Let My Genie Go", by Frieda Genie, "Trapped Genie, Scared Genie", and "101 Other Uses for Big Bottles"!

(Kutato growls and pounds his fist repeatedly.)

(Setting: Outside the castle. Aladdin and the others have just got back to the castle door.)

Iago: I just wanna go on record as saying, I don't wanna do this!

Aladdin: We would like to enter the castle!

Gargoyle: (laughs) Enter the castle? This is the exit!

Iago: (imitating the gargoyle's voice) "This is the exit!" Jerkface doorknocker.

Aladdin: Let us in! We wanna see Genie!

Gargoyle: None shall enter!

Aladdin: (trying to force the door open) Come on! Open! There's gotta be another way to get inside. (looks up and sees a tower with a window) There!

Iago: Sure, but how are you planning on getting up there?

Aladdin: (pulls a rope out of his backpack) With this. (offers the rope to Iago)

Iago: Oh, no, no. No way.

Aladdin: Iago!

Iago: You're not gettin' me up there! It's way too high!

Aladdin: (rolling his eyes) There's no use talking to him until he's finished.

Iago: ...hollow bone in my body! Then where would I be? Just forget it!

Aladdin: Iago, you can fly.

Iago: Oh. Right. (takes the end of the rope and flies toward the window)

(Setting: inside the castle)

Genie: (imitating Jerry Lewis) Let's see where we stand. Hit me! (a scoreboard shows $10,000) Ten thousand laughs in just the last hour?! (changing back to normal) Isn't that enough? I fractured my funnybone for you! There's no more giggles, gags, or guffaws left in me! Please, your hairy-ship, let me go!

(Kutato jumps up and down and grunts.)

Genie: But I haven't any more to give! I've given 'till it hurts! Can' you see I'm wasting away?!

(Kutato holds the bottle up near his face. Genie turns into Shakespeare.)

Genie: You know, in the theater we have a saying: the show must go on! And on, and on, and on...

(Setting: Outside. Aladdin climbs the rope up to the tower window, with Abu clinging to his head. They reach the top and climb inside.)

Iago: You know, the power of flight takes the fear right out of these stunts.

Aladdin: Okay, Abu, you can let go! (pries Abu off)

Iago: I suppose this was the easy part.

Aladdin: You're probably right.

Iago: Sarcasm is really lost on him.

(Setting: Kutato's room. Genie is in the form of a diver who is being chased in circles by a shark. Kutato laughs. Aladdin and the others are watching from the hallway.)

Aladdin: You guys create a distraction, I'll free Genie. (runs out into the room)

Iago: That big goon's got his eyes glued to the genie. How can we get his attention?

(The eyes of a gargoyle behind them start to glow.)

Gargoyle: Lord Kutato! Lord Kutato!

Iago: (imitating the gargoyle's voice) Lord Kutato, there's, uh, a delivery.

(Iago and Abu are covering the gargoyle's mouth.)

Iago: You've been selected to test out the new turbo genie! Yes, faster and funnier than those everyday genies!

Genie: Oh, yeah, just call me last year's model! Mister obsolete!

(Kutato walks out of the room. Aladdin climbs to the top of the bottle.)

Genie: Al, you're a sight for sore eyes!

Aladdin: Hey, I couldn't leave my best bud behind.

Genie: My captive audience sort of made me the captive one.

Iago: Come on! That hairy lummox will be back any second!

(Aladdin pulls the cork out of the bottle.)

Genie: Thanks, Al!

(Kutato comes back into the room.)

Genie: Look out! It's Lord Couch Potato!

(Kutato throws the bottle at them, but misses. Aladdin runs over the the fireplace and grabs a poker, then uses it to pole vault over Kutato's head and towards the stairwell.)

Aladdin: Hurry, this way!

(They all run up the stairs, with Kutato right behind them.)

Iago: Faster! He's really ticked now!

(They reach the room where they climbed inside, close the door and bar it.)

Aladdin: Barricade the door!

Iago: With what?

Aladdin: (looking out the window) Too far to jump.

Iago: Lucky I can fly. Should I tell the princess you loved her?

Genie: The bird's not the only one who can fly! Hang on! (turns into a hangglider)

Aladdin: All right!

(Kutato knocks down the door, but they glide out the window just in time, heading back towards the snowy side of the castle.)

Genie: (wobbling) Whoa! I don't know how Carpet makes it look so easy!

Aladdin: Learn fast, Genie!

Iago: Aah! It's too windy! Too windy! (is blown backwards)

Genie: Yipes!

(They all fall out of the sky and land in deep snow.)

Aladdin: (to Iago) I thought you could fly.

Iago: You I'm not talking to.

(Kutato looks out of the window and roars.)

Aladdin: (laughs) He's stuck in the house! What's the matter? Lose your genie?

(Kutato bursts through the wall of the tower.)

Aladdin: (nervous) That was thick stone!

(Kutato lands in the snow next to them. Genie turns into a snowmobile.)

Genie: Hop on!

(They ride the snowmobile away, but Kutato is right behind them.)

Aladdin: Genie! He's gaining!

Genie: I'll put a hurdle in his path!

(Three hurdles appear in front of Kutato; he busts through all of them, not slowed down at all.)

Genie: Whoopsie. Well, at least he's finally getting some exercise.

(They're headed towards a fallen tree.)

Aladdin: Genie!

(They duck under the tree. Kutato jumps over it, and when he lands he starts sliding after them, sledding down the mountain on his belly and laughing. The snowmobile reaches the edge of a cliff.)

Genie: Everybody, scream!

(They all land safely in deep snow.)

Genie: Deja vu!

(Kutato has caught up with them, but all he does is stand over them and smile.)

Genie: You know, aside from the menacing moments, you've been fun. (as a male cheerleader) Ra ra ra! Sis-boom-betty! Let's hear it for my pal yeti!

(Genie blows a trumpet, and there's another avalanche, which buries Kutato.)

Aladdin: (shocked) Wow, Genie, you really got him!

Genie: (sadly) Yes. He was big, he was hairy, he was unkempt, but, man oh man, could he laugh.

(Kutato bursts out of the fallen snow, laughing.)

Aladdin: He enjoyed the chase! I think he had fun!

Iago: That was fun?

Aladdin: I have a feeling that this abominable snowman hasn't been outside the castle for a long, long time.

Iago: That would explain his taste for the abominable showman here!

(Kutato is rolling a giant snowball.)

Genie: Look, he's enteraining himself! (appears in front of Kutato, holding cards) And speaking of entertainment, pick one!

(Kutato moves Genie out of his way, then continues rolling his snowball.)

Genie: Gee, that was always his favorite! I guess he doesn't need me anymore.

Aladdin: We need you, Genie. Boy, it was a boring hike without you.

Iago: The worst part is he actually means it!

Genie: Aw, Al, you're just saying that. I know I got carried away. Sorry for being such a ham! (turns into a pig, holding a skull like Hamlet)

Aladdin: Forget about it. You were just being... you.

Genie: I won't do that again! You can bank on that!

(As they walk away, Kutato finishes building a snowman shaped like Genie.)

THE END

49. The Lost City of the Sun / Затерянный город солнца
(Setting: Agrabah, at night. A pink sprite flies over the city, and keeps looking back as if it's being chased.)

(Setting: Aladdin's hovel. Aladdin and Abu are asleep, while Genie, Iago, and Carpet play a card game using poker chips and eat snacks. Carpet has most of the poker chips. It's Genie's turn, and he carefully looks at each of his cards and makes little noises to himself while he's thinking. The others are getting impatient with him.)

Iago: Make your move, blue boy!

Genie: Got any nines?

Iago: Go fish.

(The sprite suddenly flies into the room and knocks over all the food and knocks the cards out of their hands. The sprite then flies around Abu, lifting him into the air and waking him.)

Sprite: (lifting Aladdin's eyelid) Aladdin! Aladdin! Upy upy!

Aladdin: (groggy) What? A sprite?

(The sprite nods.)

Aladdin: Oh no…

Iago: Sprites!

Genie: Now, now. Sprites are just fun-loving creatures with an annoying tendency to be… annoying.

(Xerxes suddenly flies through the window and starts chasing after the sprite.)

Aladdin: Xerxes!

(Carpet jumps in front of the sprite, and Xerxes bites one of his tassels and starts pulling. Abu starts pulling Carpet from the other side. Iago tries to protect his poker chips, but when Abu pulls Carpet free they knock them over.)

Iago: Hey!

Xerxes: Gotcha!

(Xerxes bites at the sprite, who dodges out of the way. The sprite hides under the rug, but Xerxes sees it. Aladdin catches Xerxes in a basket before he catches the sprite.)

Aladdin: Gotcha! Genie, catch!

(Aladdin tosses Xerxes to Genie, who turns into into an animal control worker and catches him with a net.)

Genie: Agrabah has a strict ordinance against evil flying critters. (to Iago) You've got your tags, don'cha?

(Xerxes bites a hole in the bottom of the net and flies out the window.)

Genie: So much for the humane approach. (turns into a hunter) Next time he's a trophy!

Sprite: Is it safe?

Aladdin: He's gone.

Sprite: Listen! Listen, Aladdin! Everybody captured by a nasty magic man! Oh, every last sprite!

Aladdin: Mozenrath.

Sprite: Except me. I got away!

Iago: Interesting. Wake me when we get to the part where I care!

Sprite: Help, please! We have to rescue my friends!

Aladdin: From Mozenrath? My pleasure.

Iago: His views do not necessarily reflect those of the group!

Sprite: Follow me! We fly to the Lost City of the Sun!

(Setting: the next day, in the ruins of the Lost City of the Sun.)

Mozenrath: Sprites! To me!

(Six sprites fly up to Mozenrath. They look exhausted.)

Mozenrath: What have you uncovered?

(The sprites fly over to a hole in the ground, lift an obelisk out of it, and bring it to Mozenrath.)

Mozenrath: Worthless! Take it away!

(Another group of sprites bring him a stone chair.)

Mozenrath: Rubble.

(Another group brings a disk-shaped sculpture.)

Mozenrath: No, no! That's not it! (blows up the sculpture)

Xerxes: (enters) Wait, master! (gets hit in the head with a piece of the sculpture)

Mozenrath: Xerxes, where is the escapee?

Xerxes: Sorry, boss.

Mozenrath: You lost the sprite?!

Xerxes: Found Aladdin.

Mozenrath: Aladdin! Is there anything else you could do to make my job more difficult?! (throws Xerxes against the ruins; to the sprites) Work faster, or else!

(The sprites fly away and start digging again, so quickly that they look like a blur.)

Mozenrath: This is it, Xerxes. I feel lucky.

(The sprites uncover a statue of a man pointing.)

Xerxes: Mozenrath lucky!

Pink sprite: (wiping its brow) Sprites pooped!

Mozenrath: Xerxes, the legend is true! It is said that the Hand in the Sand will lead to the power of Shamash, the sorcerer of the sun. Sprites! Dig in the direction Shamash points. Find his lost power.

Blue sprite: Dig for this! Dig for that!

(The sprites start digging again.)

Mozenrath: With the power of Shamash I shall conquer the Seven Deserts!

Xerxes: Dig faster!

Mozenrath: They've found it!

(The sprites have uncovered another statue of Shamash, pointing in a different direction.)

Mozenrath: Shamash didn't make it easy. I'll do what it takes. Get to work! Follow the hand! Dig! Dig!

Blue sprite: Please! Sprites are worn out!

Yellow sprite: Have a heart!

Mozenrath: If you insist, I'll take yours. (threatens them with his gauntlet)

(The sprites scream and fly away.)

(Setting: Later that day. The sprites have found several more statues, all pointing in different directions.)

Mozenrath: Statues pointing at statues… One must point to the power. Don't stop, dig it up!

(Aladdin and the others have arrived and are hiding behind the ruins, watching Mozenrath.)

Aladdin: What are they digging for?

Pink sprite: Don't know!

Genie: Where are the rest of the sprites?

Pink sprite: Don't know that either.

Iago: Aw, we may never find the cute little guys. Tragic.

Aladdin: We'll find them. But let's do it without Mozenrath finding us. I want to figure out what he's up to here. And watch out for his—

(A mamluk rises out of the sand and grabs Aladdin.)

Aladdin: Mamluks! (is thrown to the ground) Whoa!

(Another mamluk rises out of the sand near Genie, who turns into a flamenco dancer.)

Genie: My dance card's full, boys! (takes off the frilly part of his skirt and puts it around the mamluks' heads) Hasta la mamluk, muchachos! (kicks them away)

Aladdin: (still lying on the ground, Carpet taps him on the arm) Carpet?

(Carpet motions for Aladdin to be quiet.)

Mozenrath: (in the distance) Work! Lead me to the power! Find the Hand in the Sand!

Aladdin: The Hand in the Sand?

Mozenrath: Shamash could have filled the whole desert with statues. I need more sprites! (grabs Xerxes) If that's not too much trouble!

Xerxes: No trouble. (flies off)

(Genie, Iago, and Abu are hiding behind a sand dune, looking at one of the ancient buildings. It's being guarded by a mamluk.)

Genie: Undead guards. They're out there, boys!

(They sneak to the building's entrance while the mamluk isn't looking.)

Iago: What's the problem? They're not even alive! You could take 'em.

Genie: Aw, cinch! But my magical stylings would draw the attention of the mighty morbid power monger. (opens the door and goes inside; it's pitch black) Ditched the mamluks!

Iago: Even better, we got away from that annoying sprite!

(The room begins to light up. There is a giant crowd of sprites in the center of the building.)

Genie and Iago: Whoa!

Iago: Sprite City. Population: too many!

(Outside, Xerxes flies toward the building where the sprites are held.)

Genie: Come on! Last sprite out is—

Iago: Annoying!

Green sprite: Wait! Someone's coming!

(The door opens and Xerxes comes inside. Genie turns himself, Iago and Abu into sprites to disguise themselves.)

Iago: Aah! I'm a… I'm a… sprite.

Xerxes: More workers! (points at the three of them as well as two other sprites) You'll do. Move it! Hustle, hustle! (chases them out of the building)

(Aladdin, Carpet, and the pink sprite watch Xerxes exit the building.)

Pink sprite: Uh oh! Genie gone!

Aladdin: Don't worry, Genie's fine. And if anyone can find your friends, it's—

(Xerxes passes by them, and they see that three of the sprites with Xerxes are Aladdin's disguised friends.)

Pink sprite: Oh, they got caught!

Aladdin: Get down, or we'll get caught!

Pink sprite: Now Mozenrath has everything! My friends, your friends!

Aladdin: He doesn't have everything. He wants the power of Shamash, and without the Hand in the Sand he can't get it. We have to get it first.

(Xerxes herds them towards the rest of the sprites.)

Xerxes: Keep together!

Blue sprite: Oh, I'm dead on my wings!

Yellow sprite: Look, more sprites! Kind of funny looking.

Xerxes: No stop! Dig!

Genie: Are these the same fun-loving sprites that used to drive us to distraction? Say it ain't so!

Iago: What did they do to them? (noticing how high his voice is as a sprite) What did you do to me?! Change me back!

Genie: Shh, not yet! We have to blend in! Look at Abu, he's a natural.

Iago: The monkey's cute and playful enough for the both of us. (Abu chatters something at him) Get out of my face. Any mutation is an improvement on you, but us birds have integrity.

Xerxes: (to Iago) You! You!

Iago: Me? I'm a sprite! I've never been anything but a cute playful lovable sprite! (spins Abu around) See? (quietly) Ugh, I feel so dirty.

Xerxes: Work!

(Genie and Abu fly off toward the other sprites, while Iago stays behind.)

Xerxes: No exceptions!

Iago: Could you make just one? Work kinda cramps my style.

Yellow sprite: What's he doing?

Blue sprite: He's not working!

Yellow sprite: I don't wanna work either!

Genie: If the beak doesn't give us away, what comes out of it will!

Xerxes: Less talk, more dig!

Genie: Hello! Your vengeful, yet stunningly well-dressed boss is here!

(Points at Mozenrath, who is approaching them.)

Xerxes: Statue again.

Mozenrath: Thank you, Xerxes. Shall we see where this one leads us?

(The statue points back at a statue that was dug up earlier.)

Mozenrath: It appears Shamash had quite a sense of humor.

(Xerxes laughs.)

Mozenrath: But I don't! I don't care if those sprites have to dig up the Seven Deserts!

Xerxes: Me neither?

(Elsewhere in the ruined city, Aladdin and Carpet are examining some writing on a wall.)

Aladdin: The Hand in the Sand. We'll know it when we see it. I hope.

(Four mamluks rise out of the ground near Carpet.)

Pink sprite: Carpet!

Aladdin: Hang on!

(The mamluks each grab one corner of Carpet and pull him taut. Aladdin bounces off Carpet and jumps onto a wooden beam. While the mamluks are watching him they let go of Carpet, who spins around rapidly, slapping the mamluks in the face with his tassels. He then flies up and catches Aladdin, and they fly away.)

Aladdin: (looking down) Hey… fly higher, Carpet! I see something!

(Looking down, Aladdin can see that the ditches the sprites have dug following the statues have created the outline of a giant hand pointing toward a sand dune.)

Aladdin: The Hand in the Sand! It's the Hand in the Sand! This is what Mozenrath is looking for! To that dune, Carpet! Once we have the power of Shamash, Mozenrath is at our mercy! And the sprites are home free.

Pink sprite: (laughs) Hand in the Sand is right in front of Mozenrath, and he doesn't even see it!

Aladdin: Start looking for something. Anything!

(The sprite digs down into the dune until it hits something solid.)

Pink sprite: (dizzily) Found something.

Aladdin: (digging into the dune with his hands) This is it!

(They've uncovered part of a large, black, metallic orb with a sun symbol carved into it.)

Pink sprite: Is this the power of Shamash?

Aladdin: It must be.

(Meanwhile, the other sprites are still digging.)

Iago: Hey, Xerxes is gone! Take a break!

Genie: We've got to do something!

Iago: And soon! Pretending to work is almost as hard as the real thing!

Genie: We've got to unite the sprites!

Iago: Now you're talkin'. But leave this to a professional. From petty grievances to large-scale rabble rousing, I'm the expert. (to the sprites) Aren't you sick of listening to that flying slug?! Aren't your little wings tired? And what about a retirement plan? And dental? Say no to digging! Say no to lousy working conditions!

Genie: Say hello to Xerxes!

Xerxes: No stop! Must work!

Green sprite: No! We don't wanna work anymore!

Iago: Huh?

Xerxes: You glow. You dig! You hear?!

Yellow sprite: What, we don't even get dental! We're not gonna glow or dig!

Genie, Iago, and Abu: (carrying signs showing Mozenrath, Xerxes, and mamluk, crossed out) Hey! No! We won't glow! Hey! No! We won't glow!

Sprites: (also carrying signs) Hey! No! We won't glow! Hey! No! We won't glow!

Mozenrath: (in the distance) Xerxes?

(The sprites cheer as Xerxes flies away to talk to Mozenrath.)

Mozenrath: Well? What do you have for me?

Xerxes: Nothing.

Mozenrath: What?!

Xerxes: Sprite strike! No dig!

Mozenrath: The sprites won't dig? Then I'll dig… their graves! (starts shooting magic at the sprites with his gauntlet)

Genie: Get down!

Mozenrath: I must have the power of Shamash!

Iago: Uh oh! Moze has gone ballistic! Spread out!

(Mozenrath follows Genie, Abu, and Iago.)

Mozenrath: All right, sprites. Your time is up.

(He levitates a column they were hiding behind out of his way.)

Mozenrath: An odd breed of sprite.

Genie: Uh, we're from Ohio.

(Mozenrath zaps them with his gauntlet and turns them back to their normal selves.)

Mozenrath: Well, well. If it isn't Aladdin's comic relief. Where is the street rat?

Genie: If you want Al, you'll have to get by me first! (grows large and muscular) Your puny magic glove against my semi-phenomenal, nearly cosmic genie powers! Come on, take your best shot!

(Mozenrath blasts them all far away away from him.)

(Back at the dune where the power of Shamash is hidden.)

Pink sprite: What is it? Is it a good thing? How does it work?

Aladdin: I have absolutely no idea.

(Genie, Iago, and Abu fall out of the sky.)

Aladdin: Genie!

(Mozenrath is still catching his breath. A mamluk approaches him.)

Mozenrath: You found Aladdin? Where?

(The mamluk points towards the wall Aladdin was looking at earlier. Mozenrath teleports himself there. The four mamluks are still there.)

Mozenrath: Where is he?! How could you let him go?!

(The mamluks, frightened, start to sink back into the sand.)

Mozenrath: How dare you disappear when I'm ranting! (pulls them back up with his magic) What was Aladdin doing here?! What did he find?!

(A mamluk points to the wall carvings.)

Mozenrath: Of course. The writing is on the wall. These hieroglyphics must be the answer to the puzzle. (reads) "Find the pointing hand… find the pointing hand… find the pointing hand." Aah! Oh, these ancient pictures tell me nothing! Aladdin is one step ahead of me, I know it. Where did he go?

(A mamluk points up.)

Mozenrath: Up? Up… Oh, ho ho ho ho! Yes!

(Back by the power of Shamash…)

Genie: Al, we have a problem.

(Three mamluks charge over the sand dune.)

Genie: Mamluks!

Aladdin: This is a problem. (kicks a mamluk away)

(Genie turns into a hippo and sits on another mamluk, crushing it. Another mamluk attacks Aladdin, and he wrestles the sword out of its hand. Genie then turns the mamluk into a sprite and puts it in a jar. He then does the same with the two other mamluks.)

Genie: Aw… were we this cute?

Aladdin: Good job, Genie. We can use these guys to dig up the rest of this… thing.

Genie: Al… we've got another problem…

(Mozenrath appears.)

Mozenrath: You've been quite helpful, Aladdin. I must repay you.

(Mozenrath sends a bolt of magic in Aladdin's general direction; he dodges, and it hits the orb.)

Aladdin: Pretty sad shot, Mozenrath.

Mozenrath: Depends where I was aiming.

(The orb rises out of the ground; it begins to give off flames and slowly becomes a miniature sun.)

Aladdin: Guess this clears up the Shamash power mystery.

Genie: The raging inferno of his own personal sun. Yup, that's power.

Mozenrath: And it's all mine! But no one will feel the power of Shamash more than you, Aladdin!

(The sun starts heading toward Aladdin.)

Genie: Uh oh!

(Carpet picks Aladdin up and carries him away; they manage to stay just ahead of the sun.)

Aladdin: Faster, Carpet!

Xerxes: Fry 'im!

(Carpet catches fire from being too near to the sun and starts to fall.)

Aladdin: Carpet! Aah!

(Carpet and Aladdin hit the ground. Iago, Abu, and the pink sprite fly up to him and see that he is unconscious.)

Iago: Oh, lights out.

Pink sprite: I can save Aladdin! I can do it!

Iago: How cute. But if you hadn't noticed, that thing is hot!

Pink sprite: We play in the stars all the time. I've flown around the real sun!

Genie: Just leave this to the big boys. (turns into a giant cook) Who's up for a barbeque?

(Genie hits the sun with a spatula and is thrown backwards, burned bright red.)

Genie: Great! Twelve degree sunburn and right before yearbook pictures!

Mozenrath: (seeing the unconscious Aladdin) Why look, the boy is defenseless! If I attack now, he's—

Xerxes: Dead meat!

Mozenrath: At last! (zaps the sun with his gauntlet, directing it toward Aladdin)

Iago: Now what?!

Genie: (creates a tube of sunscreen and hands it to Iago) Sunscreen, SPF 10 million. Good luck! (passes out)

Iago: That means it's down to me! …and the sprites.

(Abu tries to wake Aladdin up; he starts to stir.)

Iago: (to the sprites) So, you're in?

Sprites: Sure! You bet! Let's go!

Mozenrath: I will rule the Seven Deserts and Aladdin will never— What?

(Iago is flying toward him, wearing a hard hat, followed by the sprites, who are carrying one of the Shamash statues.)

Iago: Okay, little further! Come on! Come on! Plenty of room! All right! Move!

(The sun slowly moves closer to Aladdin. The sprites drop the statue between the sun and Aladdin, allowing him to shield himself.)

Mozenrath: No! You can't escape!

Aladdin: Who said anything about escape? I'm gonna beat you, Mozenrath!

Iago: Drop the next one! Now!

(The sprites drop another statue, a little closer to Mozenrath. Aladdin runs and ducks behind that one.)

Iago: Okay! Little further!

(A third statue is dropped. Aladdin runs to it.)

Iago: Come on! That's it! (motions for it to be dropped)

(A fourth statue is now in place, getting very close to Mozenrath now. Aladdin moves up again. The sun has slowly been following Aladdin as he moves forward.)

Mozenrath: I'll get him yet. I'm so close!

Xerxes: Too close!

(Mozenrath pushes Xerxes away.)

Iago: Bombs away!

(A fifth statue is dropped into place, just a few feet away from Mozenrath, and Aladdin moves up to it. Mozenrath moves the sun forward after Aladdin, not realizing how close it is to himself.)

Xerxes: Too hot! Too hot! We'll fry!

(While Mozenrath was distracted, Aladdin runs out from behind the statue and behind Mozenrath, so that Mozenrath is closer to the sun than Aladdin is.)

Aladdin: Feeling the power of Shamash?

(Aladdin and Mozenrath start fighting hand-to-hand.)

Iago: (to the sprites) All right, you've got your orders. Now, go! (half the sprites fly off) The rest of you, follow me! (they fly toward where the rest of the sprites are being held) It's time to let out the sprites so they can take out that sun! Put your spritely powers to work on this door and pull!

(The sprites open the door, releasing the hundreds of sprites inside. Meanwhile Aladdin and Mozenrath are still fighting. Mozenrath seems to have gotten the other hand, until he accidentally falls backwards into one of the holes the sprites dug. A group of sprites then flies up to Mozenrath, removes his gauntlet, and carries it away before he has time to react.)

Mozenrath: No! Aah!

Aladdin: Now get rid of that sun!

Iago: Done!

Genie: Look!

Mozenrath: My sun!

(The escaped sprites carry the sun far away into the sky, so that it is no longer visible.)

Mozenrath: My only goal now is to hear your tortured screams!

Aladdin: It's just us, man to man.

(Aladdin can now see what Mozenrath's hand looks like underneath the gauntlet; it's completely skeletal.)

Aladdin: What?!

Mozenrath: Ah, my secret's out.

Genie: Ew!

Iago: Yeugh!

Mozenrath: This is what I did for power! The magic of a genie was handed to you on a silver platter, but I gave my right hand for power! To wear the gauntlet is painful, but it's worth it. Worth it to destroy the likes of you!

Pink sprite: Good luck with no magic glove. We buried it.

Blue sprite: Somewhere out there! (points to the open desert)

Mozenrath: My gauntlet?

Aladdin: Better start digging!

(The sprites laugh, then repair the parts of Carpet that were burned.)

Mozenrath: My gauntlet! No! Dig, Xerxes! Dig!

(Mozenrath and Xerxes start digging with their bare hands/fins.)

(Setting: That night, at Aladdin's hovel. Aladdin and his friends are playing cards while the sprites watch.)

Sprite: (to Abu) Thanks, monkey man!

Genie: Give me some glow, kiddo! (high-fives a pink sprite)

Pink sprite: Aladdin, we have a very special thank you for—

Iago: Cut the sentimental journey already!

(The sprites point out of the window, where we can see that a large group of sprites has created a picture of Iago in the sky.)

Iago: You know, those little glow guys weren't so bad.

Pink sprite: What was that, birdie buddy?

Iago: I said, uh, let's go, guys. (shuffles the deck) And can we get through the whole game this time, please?

Sprite: (laughs) Deal me in!

THE END

51. When Chaos Comes Calling / Наступление Хаоса
(Setting: Morbia, in Mirage’s palace.)

Mirage: (evil laughter, watching a ship in a storm in a crystal ball)
Oh dear! My little storm is sinking the king’s ship, and now his
country will plunge into civil war (evil laughter) Ah, chalk up another
one for the forces of evil. Now, let’s see what other hopes are due for
demolition. (picture in crystal changes to show Agrabah) Agrabah! I
have tried everything to crush the will of its people, but always that
insufferable Aladdin arrives to restore their faith.

(A mummy case behind Mirage grows eyes, which float away, following
Mirage.)

Mirage: But I swear I will triumph!

Chaos: You know, the problem with you evil elementals is that you’re
always obsessing. (the eyes grow a mouth to go with them)

Mirage: Chaos!

Chaos: Crush this, destroy that, kill her, maim him. (the eyes and
mouth grow a blue cat head) I for one like a change in routine, don’t
you?

(A portal opens above Mirage’s head, dropping water on her.)

Mirage: Oh! Oh! (starts coughing)

Chaos: Ooh, that’s a nasty perspiration problem you have there.

Mirage: How dare you come in here...!

Chaos: Careful, kitten! (there is a flash of lightning, and a gust of
wind blows past, drying Mirage; Chaos’s whole body, a blue cat with
wings, appears and sits on Mirage’s throne) I might think you don’t
want me here.

Mirage: Ah, I am sorry, Lord Chaos. (bows) Your surprise was...
delightful.

Chaos: Wasn’t it though? Now, is this the bauble that’s causing you
distress?

Mirage: Yes! How can I make men despair when that remains to inspire
them?

Chaos: Inspiring? I like inspiration. Maybe I’ll visit it someday.

Mirage: No, you wouldn’t want to do that. It’s not your kind of place.

Chaos: What? Well why is that?

Mirage: You are Chaos, master of the surprise, the unpredictable.
Agrabah is populated by contented cows. Quite the pitiful clichй,
really. The usual beautiful princess engaged to the dashing hero,
destined to live happily ever after as expected. (crystal ball shows
Aladdin and Jasmine kissing) All very tidy and mundane.

Chaos: Mirage, you really should have called me. I mean, “tidy and
mundane”? Living “as expected”? It’s quite clear that Agrabah needs me.
(explodes into a cloud of smoke with Chaos’s head reflected in it) What
would the world be like without a little...Chaos! (disappears)

(Mirage laughs evily.)

(Setting: a royal banquet at the palace of Agrabah. Aladdin, Jasmine,
and three other couples are seated around the table.)

Man 1: Agrabah has never run so smoothly, Princess Jasmine.

Woman 1: That’s a lot of responsibility with your father away.

Jasmine: Thank you, but I had some expert help. (looks at Aladdin)

Man 2: (laughs) You’ve come a long way since your street rat days,
Aladdin.

Aladdin: Well, it’s easier to solve a problem when you’ve been one
yourself. (rolls an apple down his arm to Jasmine; Abu hiding under the
table snatches it away from her) You know what they way: it takes a
thief to catch a thief. (Aladdin takes the apple away from Abu right
before he takes a bite)

(The guests laugh, and Aladdin gives Jasmine back the apple. Abu walks
out grumbling.)

Iago: (leaning against a pillar) Nice work, monkey. I guess we just
have to hang out here and beg for pet kibble. You know, you’re getting
too predictable. People see you coming from a mile - (Abu sticks a vase
over Iago’s head) - away... Get this off you malcontent! I’m claustrophobic!

(Abu laughs; Chaos appears behind him.)

Chaos: I didn’t think that was predictable at all. (waggles his
eyebrows at Abu, who runs up a pillar) But that’s just a start. To be
really unpredictable you have to show more imagination.

(Chaos pulls the vase off of Iago, whose head has changed into the head
of Gilbert Gottfried.)

Iago: About time, I could hardly breathe in there.

(Abu climbs down, looks at Iago, and runs away.)

Iago: What? What? Where’re you goin’? Screwy primate. An evolutionary
dead end. (Chaos disappears) Well, I’m not goin’ hungry. (flies into
the dining room; everyone gasps)

Iago: Alright Al, time to share the wealth. Pass me the baklava.

(The guests start to back away from Iago from fear, and start to talk
amongst themselves.)

Iago: (about to take a bite of baklava) Oh, excuse me, a bird can’t ask
for a handout?

Jasmine: Iago, it’s...it’s your...

Aladdin: Your head!

Iago: (pats the back of his head with his wings) What is it? It’s not
my hairline is it? ‘Cause - cause I could get implants, I - (looks at
his reflection in a metal jug) Aaaahhhh! My head! (runs around the table,
knocking food to the floor) Help me! I’m a monstrosity! It’s a curse!
Look at my eyes. They’re so beady and squinty! I’ve been turned into
some sort of mutant! Help me!

Man 1: Aladdin! Your entertainment is unnerving the women!

Iago: My heart breaks for them. I’m in mourning. I should wear black, I
feel so bad!

Jasmine: Just try to calm down, Iago!

Iago: I don’t need calm! I need help!

Chaos: (watching from a high window) Well, that’s certainly a start.
But it still needs... ah!

Man 2: (to his wife) I’ve heard strange things about the palace. Don’t
be alarmed, dear.

Woman 2: (her head has been turned into a donkey’s) Hee-haw! Hee-haw!

Man 2: Aah!

Woman 2: Hee-haw!

Iago: I want my beak back!

(The first couple get up.)

Man 1: We are leaving!

Chaos: Oh, so soon?

(As the couple walk away, they grow kangaroo legs, and hop around
screaming. Hakim, who was guarding the banquet, changes into a giant
hippopotamus. Man 3 is changed into a whale, and Woman 3 into a vase of
daisies with a mouth.)

Jasmine: Aladdin, what is going on?

Aladdin: I don’t know! Wait a minute... (goes to the table and picks up
the genie’s lamp) Genie! Get out here right now!

(Genie comes out of the lamp dressed in a safari outfit.)

Genie: Aw, can’t it wait, Al? Spielberg’s taking auditions, and - (a
giant tyrannosaurus rex head comes out of the lamp, swallows the genie,
and goes back into the lamp, and a burping sound comes out of it; the
genie comes back out, with his outfit all torn) Never mind! I’ll wait
for the sequel! (changes back to normal outfit) Now, what can I do for -

(Iago flies past Genie's head, the second couple and Hakim run past.)

Man 2: My wife is a donkey! This palace is cursed!

(The first couple hop by.)

Woman 1: I can’t let people see me like this!

(The whale falls from the sky, and the flower vase lands on top of it.)

Woman 3: Not again!

Genie: Hey, Princess, you throw a heck of a party!

Aladdin: You mean you didn’t do any of this?

Chaos: A genie? How interesting...

Jasmine: Can you just change them back?

(The donkey-headed woman, the kangaroos, the whale, and the vase change
back to normal. Iago’s head explodes and turns back to normal.)

Iago: (feeling his beak) Oh, thank you.

Jasmine: (sighs) Thank you, Genie.

Genie: (scratching his head) I’d love to take the credit, but I didn’t
do anything.

(All three couples leave the room.)

Aladdin: Don’t worry, OK, ‘cause we’re gonna get right to the bottom of this.

(Hakim leaves the room; he is still a hippo.)

Aladdin: Uh, come again. Genie!

(The guests pass Abu in the hallway. He hides behind a pillar until
they’re gone.)

A guest: I think it was all some sick joke.

Another guest: I still think it was in the food.

(Abu runs into the room and jumps on the table with Iago.)

Iago: You. Thanks so much for your moral support.

Aladdin: Well, if it wasn’t Genie, then who did all the magic?

(Abu chatters excitedly and jumps up on Aladdin’s head.)

Aladdin: Ow, hey, slow down!

Genie: I’ll handle this! (picks up Abu) I’ll use my cyclotronic
cyberscope (gestures to giant machine he has just made appear) to
graphically map on this (gestures to a monitor) liquid crystal display
the neural inflow of the monkey! (Abu is sitting in a chair wearing a
metal helmet hooked up to the machine)

Iago: What?

Genie: It’ll draw you a picture.

(Genie changes into a scientist and starts taking notes on a clipboard
while Abu chatters away.)

Genie: Uh huh, uh huh, yes...hmm...feathers, really...slow down...

(The monitor draws a stick-drawing of Chaos.)

Iago: This is what you get when you try to read a banana brain.

Chaos: (behind Iago) I think it’s a remarkable likeness.

(Iago squawks; Abu hides behind Aladdin’s head and points at Chaos.)

Jasmine: That cat caused all that trouble?

Chaos: And a *blue* genie. Oh, I see a lot of potential for fun here.

Genie: (smiling nervously) Heh heh. ‘Scuse me for a sec. (zooms over to
Aladdin and Jasmine) Al, I know I’ve said this before, but we’re in a
lot of trouble! That’s Chaos. He’s got more magic than any genie, and
he makes his own wishes.

Aladdin: Then how come I’ve never heard of him?

Genie: Maybe he’s got a lousy agent! Just don’t make him mad!

Jasmine: Well, I don’t care how much magic he has. (storms over towards Chaos)

(Genie’s jaw drops.)

Genie: (as the robot from “Lost in Space”) Warning! Warning, Will Robinson!

Jasmine: You have no right to disrupt palace affairs!

Chaos: You should thank me! Could a gathering be any more boring and
monotonous? (disappears, with his eyes and mouth last, and reappears
behind Jasmine) Admit it, you liked the excitement!

Aladdin: (laughs) Actually, it was kind of... (Jasmine gives him a *look*)
...I mean, no one was hurt.

Iago: Easy for you to say! *My* psychological wounds go to the core!

Jasmine: Those people weren’t invited here to be humiliated! I order
you to leave!

Chaos: (angrily) Order?! To me?! Wrong move. (his eyes glow, there is a
swirl of magic around Jasmine, and she disappears)

Aladdin: (gasps) Jasmine! What have you done with her?

Chaos: Oh, she’s somewhere...underfoot.

(Jasmine has been shrunk down by Chaos and is near Aladdin’s feet.)

Jasmine: Aladdin! Down here! (Aladdin moves his foot, about to step on
her) No! (Jasmine gasps; Aladdin’s foot just misses her) No!

(Jasmine has tripped, and Aladdin is about to step on her again, but
Genie in the form of an insect pushes her out of the way in time.)

Jasmine: Thank you, Genie.

Genie: No problem. We bugs have to stick together. But don’t make Chaos
mad. He’s got more magic in his little whisker than a palace full of genies.

(The shadow of one of Aladdin’s feet falls over them.)

Jasmine: (gasps and points up) Genie!

Genie: Whaa! (pulls them both out of the way in time)

(Setting: Mirage’s palace in Morbia.)

(Mirage is watching the scene in her crystal ball.)

Mirage: (laughs) Oh, this is too wonderful. The Princess Jasmine
smashed by the big feet of her beloved Aladdin! Oh... (purrs) ... I
love it. And tricking the master trickster to do my work... oh, Mirage,
you are too good.

(Setting: The dining room of the palace of Agrabah.)

(Chaos starts drinking from a bowl of milk from the ruined banquet.)

Aladdin: Bring her back, Chaos! Or I’ll...

Chaos: (angrily, the scenery turns pitch black) What? Do you really
expect me to listen to your puny threats? (turns into a giant Chaos
head surrounded by smoke)

(Suddenly, the scenery, and Jasmine and Genie, change back to normal.)

Aladdin: Jasmine! (the two hug)

Chaos: (behind Aladdin) Surprise!

Aladdin: (jumps with surprise) Yeaah!

Chaos: See? You didn’t expect that! Didn’t it get your juices flowing?
(laughs) Certainly better than your usual boring existence.

Iago: Boring? Look, Chaos, (Chaos is licking one of his paws) I’d love
it if this place were boring! But they’re always dragging me off to
some cockamamie adventure! “Hurry Iago! We have to fight the razor-
clawed ice giants!” Or, “Come on, Iago! The natives of Nincompoop need
saving from a blood-beast with a taste for parrot!”

(Iago is still talking in the background.)

Jasmine: We’d better stop him before Chaos...

Aladdin: No! This may work. Genie! We have to show Chaos that we’re not boring!

Genie: Right! So he’ll go away! You’ve got the right genie, Al! (disappears)

Iago: ...And then, and *then*, when we *do* stay home, some mutant
vegetable shows up, and they want me to be the bait! (pulls out some
feathers) Boring?! Hah! I wish!

Chaos: Hmm? Oh, I’m so sorry, were you saying something?

Iago: (angrily) D’oh!

Genie: Hey, what’s the matter, guys? Nothing to do? I know! Let’s see
what’s on the tube!

(A couch appears under Chaos and Iago.)

Genie: The thrill (places a TV in front of them) of motoring down the
info superhighway (sits on the couch holding a remote and a bowl of
popcorn, channel surfing) at 500 channels per second and finding...
absolutely nothing to watch. (screaming sound) Oh, wait a minute! What’s
this!? (holds up a TV Guide with Aladdin on the cover) “In stereo, the
exciting, never boring adventures of Aladdin, who never does things
twice the same way, ever!” Gee, that sounds good! (goes into the TV) Hey,
kids, what terrible villain will Aladdin fight today? (Abis Mal appears
on the TV screen with Genie) Abis Mal the desert thug? (Mechanikles
appears) Mechanikles and his crazy clockwork creations? (Mozenrath
appears) Or somebody new? I don’t know, do you? No! Because it’s
completely unpredictable!

Chaos: Really? I had no idea that you had such a variety of adventures.

Aladdin: Well, I, uh, try not to brag.

Jasmine: He’s fought mud monsters, plant monsters, lava monsters...

Iago: ...giant spiders, giant cyclops, giant sharks!

Aladdin: And don’t forget wizards and dragons and evil elementals.

Jasmine: Just one surprise after another.

Iago: Yeah, ya never see these things comin’.

(Abu chatters excitedly.)

Genie: Yeah, the only thing predicable is that Al always wins.

Aladdin, Jasmine, and Iago: Genie!

(Genie claps his hands over his mouth.)

Chaos: Aladdin... *always* wins?

Genie: Ah! Ooh! Ah! Did I say “always” wins? I didn’t mean that.
Sometimes it’s sort of a draw or a kind of bittersweet thing that he
doesn’t really feel right about for days.

Chaos: To always win against such odds, Fate must have smiled on you.

Aladdin: Well, I try not to...brag...

Chaos: But I never liked Fate. Predestination goes against the grain.
Besides, he cheats at cards. But if Fate has decreed that Aladdin
always wins, what can I do?

(Abu sighs with relief.)

Chaos: I mean, where’s the unpredictability in that? I’ve got it! (a
cloud of smoke appears) Allow me to produce a little scenario I call
“Evil Twin”.

(An evil-looking version of Aladdin steps out of the smoke. He looks
the same except he has lighter skin and is darker around the eyes has a
black vest, red-brown pants and boots, and a red and yellow belt. He
grins evilly.)

Chaos: I have no problem with Aladdin winning all his battles. The
question is, which Aladdin?

Aladdin: I’m not performing for you, Chaos, all right? We have no
reason to fight.

Evil Aladdin: How about because I don’t like your face?

(Evil Aladdin swings a sick at Aladdin, who jumps back out of the way.)

Aladdin: Look, I don’t... (suddenly the two Aladdins are in Aladdin’s
hovel) ...How did we get... (Evil Aladdin swings the stick at him; he
ducks) Whaa!

(Evil Aladdin keeps swinging at Aladdin, who keeps grunting and ducking
out of the way. Chaos appears on the windowsill. Aladdin gets knocked
back next to him.)

Chaos: Oh, play along! I gave you the home team advantage! (Evil
Aladdin swings at him again; he rolls out of the way) But then I guess
that’s his, too.

(The two are now on a rooftop.)

Evil Aladdin: (still swinging at Aladdin) Ugh, ha! Ugh... ha ha! Yah! Yah!

Aladdin: This is nuts! Ugh...There’s no reason for us...

Evil Aladdin: Don’t you ever stop talking? (jabs Aladdin with the stick;
he falls off the building) That’s better.

(Aladdin lands on a pile of sand.)

Aladdin: (groans, rubs his head) What’s next?

(Paw prints appear in the sand, followed by Chaos.)

Chaos: You know, you’re a nice enough kid, but a bit slow on the pickup.
That’s the point of all this! Not to know what’s next.

(Setting: Mirage’s palace in Morbia.)

(Mirage is watching them in her crystal ball.)

Mirage: Locusts, boil, hangnails...ha! Chaos is worse than a plague of
plagues! Soon Agrabah and Aladdin will be nothing more than objects of
ridicule.

(Setting: the marketplace.)

(Aladdin is walking down the street, followed by Chaos.)

Aladdin: You can’t make me fight!

Chaos: Oh, I wouldn’t dream of it! I just set things in motion and
watch the result.

(Evil Aladdin is throwing tomatoes at the first couple from the banquet.)

Man 1: The sultan will hear of your jokes, Aladdin! He’ll throw you out
on the street where you belong!

Evil Aladdin: Just thought you needed a new look. Maybe something in
red! (throws more tomatoes)

Chaos: (to Aladdin) Looks like he’s making quite a name for yourself.

Man 1: If I had the time, I’d thrash you right here and now!

Evil Aladdin: (threatening the man with a stick) Oh, let’s make time!

Aladdin: Leave them alone!

Man 1: (rubbing his eyes) What?

Evil Aladdin: Well, look who’s come back. (Aladdin picks up a stick) My
wimpy counterpart. (to the man) Don’t move! This won’t take long. Let’s
see if you can give me a decent workout this time.

Aladdin: Don’t you ever stop talking?

(The two Aladdins start fighting.)

Woman 1: How could there be two of him?

(Chaos appears behind the couple.)

Chaos: Um, excuse me, but don’t you have to be hopping along?

(The two look down; they have kangaroo legs again. They scream and hop
away. Chaos sits on a barrel and watches the fight.)

Chaos: (sarcastically) Well, this is exciting; it looks like he’s
fighting a mirror. (looks up) Oh, this looks promising.

(The Sea Duck from “Talespin” is flying towards them.)

(Setting: inside the Sea Duck.)

Iago: I can’t believe we’re searching for this Chaos guy!

(Genie has turned into Baloo and is flying the plane, Abu is dressed
like Louie, Iago is dressed like Kit Cloudkicker, and Jasmine like
Rebecca, with the same hairstyle.)

Iago: Let’s just leave him a bag of kitty litter and get out of town!

Genie: Keep it down, Little Britches! We got us a search and rescue mission!

Jasmine: We have to find out what he did with Aladdin.

Genie: There’s our boy! Or, uh, boys, anyway.

Jasmine: Genie, we have to help him!

Genie: Can do! Bombs away!

(Genie pulls a lever, and a door opens up underneath the others, who
change back to normal and fall out.)

Jasmine: What are you...aaah!

Iago: Hey!

(Jasmine has a parachute, the other two hold on to her legs.)

Genie: Sorry. Combat is no place for civilians. (the plane grows two
giant hands, swoops down at the Aladdin, and starts zapping with them)

(Setting: a street in Agrabah)

Evil Aladdin: A genie? I thought I was the one that was supposed to
cheat. (reaches into his vest)

Aladdin: Hey, I didn’t ask him...

(Evil Aladdin pulls out a black lamp. Rubs it, and a giant, purple,
ape-like genie comes out.)

Chaos. Well, that makes sense. Evil Aladdin, Evil Genie.

Genie: Better bring out the big guns! (the two hands disappear and turn
into one giant hand)

(Roaring, the evil genie picks up a building and throws it; the plane
flies towards him. It zaps at him; he roars and swats at it. Eventually,
he hits the plane, which crashes.)

Genie: Whoa!

Evil Aladdin: Ha ha! Looks like your genie fights as well as you!

(Aladdin pushes Evil Aladdin backwards onto a carpet next to a well.)

Aladdin: We have our moments. (pulls the carpet out from under Evil
Aladdin, knocking him down the well)

Evil Aladdin: Whoa!

(Evil Aladdin lands in the water with a splash, and coughs.)

Aladdin: I hope Genie’s okay. (looks up and gasps)

(Genie has turned into Godzilla.)

Genie: Two can play at this game, ape face! Now let’s see ya dance.
(breathes fire at the evil genie, who is knocked back and crushes a building)

(Aladdin runs up to the others, and hugs Jasmine.)

Genie: You’re just a chump chimp, monkey boy! (his tail hits the ground,
and there is a yelling sound)

Merchant: My wares! My goods! What have you done! (Genie bends his head
down; the merchant runs away) Aah!

Genie: Sorry. We’re making a mess. Maybe we should move this - (Evil
Genie throws a building into his stomach, knocking him back) - ooh!
That does it! Prepare for a major-league hotfoot, hairball!

Jasmine: They’re going to destroy Agrabah!

Chaos: Yes! And that’s certainly something you don’t see every day!

Iago: Believe me, it happens more often than you think.

(Setting: Mirage’s palace in Morbia.)

(Mirage is watching the genies fight in her crystal ball.)

Mirage: And so Agrabah falls because of the failure of its hero and his
pet genie.

Chaos: (in the crystal ball) Yes, Mirage was right. I should have
visited sooner.

Mirage: (gasps) Don’t mention my name!

(Setting: Agrabah.)

Jasmine: Mirage? That’s why you came here! Mirage sent you!

Chaos: Nobody sends me anywhere.

Aladdin: Hmm, I’m surprised you didn’t stay with her. She’s the boring one.

Iago: Yeah, really in a rut. Always evil. Evil thought, evil plans,
every day the same thing! (Abu looks at him) Hey, I play the nuances.

(Setting: Mirage’s palace in Morbia.)

Mirage: I don’t like the direction this is going. Better pay a visit.

(Setting: Agrabah.)

(Evil Genie picks Genie up and throws him against a building. Genie
changes back to his normal form.)

Aladdin: Genie, are you all right?

Genie: Sorry, Ginger, but I think I’ll sit this one out. (passes out)

(Mirage appears.)

Jasmine: Coming to gloat as usual, Mirage?

Mirage: Oh, I just thought I’d drop by to see how things were going.
On a whim.

Iago: Oh, how predictable!

Mirage: You certainly livened up this place, Chaos.

Chaos: Oh yes, I’m quite pleased. And now that you’re volunteering to
join in, it’ll be even better.

Mirage: Me? No, I was just checking. (Evil Genie picks her up) Aah! No!

(Evil Genie laughs; Mirage struggles to get free.)

Jasmine: Can he really hurt her?

Chaos: (shrugs) Who can predict?

Mirage: Aladdin! Use the lamp!

Iago: Forget it! Big blue is still touring la-la-land. (Abu fans Genie
with a cloth)

Aladdin: No, not his lamp.

Jasmine: Where are you going?

(Aladdin picks up the evil genie’s lamp off the ground.)

Aladdin: (rubbing the lamp) I wish you to release Mirage, and return
Agrabah to normal!

(The evil genie disappears, the broken buildings return to normal, and
Mirage reappears next to Chaos.)

Genie: But why did he listen to you?

Aladdin: I figured that my evil twin wasn’t the type who’d ever free a genie.

Genie: That’s my Al. One in a million.

Chaos: How surprising. Instead of destroying Agrabah, you (points at
Mirage) helped save it.

Mirage: What?!

Aladdin: He’s right. I’d never have thought of it myself.

Jasmine: Why, thank you, Mirage.

Mirage: (screeches and disappears) No!

Chaos: Well, I guess Mirage won’t try tricking me again.

Jasmine: Wait - All this was a plan to teach her a lesson?

Chaos: Mostly. I mean, she was in a rut. Well, I have to be going. Keep
up the good work, Aladdin. Because if you ever get boring, I’ll be back.
(disappears, his eyes and smile last)

THE END

53. Armored and Dangerous / Бронирован и опасен
(Setting: Agrabah, at night. A giant minotaur, Dominus Tusk, stomps through the streets, attacking citizens and buildings with a giant mace.)

Tusk: Dominus Tusk will smite you into dust, kingdom of Agrabah.
(The palace guards load a boulder into a catapult)
Rasoul: Fire!

(The boulder hits Tusk; it bounces off of his arm)
Tusk: You dare provoke me?
(Tusk pulls the top off of a building and hurls it at the guards, destroying the catapult.)
Tusk: I am stronger than ever!
Citizens: (Fleeing) Run!
Tusk: Tonight, Agrabah falls!
(He nears the palace) (Setting: a palace balcony. Sultan and Iago watch the destruction.)

Sultan: The guards were our last line of defense!
Iago: A swell time for Al and Genie to be out of town on business!
Sultan: Surely this is Agrabah's darkest hour.
Iago: Hour nothin'! The way bull head is moving, we've got two minutes, tops! (begs) Do something, save me! Use your royal influence!
Sultan: But, well, I-I... (stammers)
(Jasmine arrives, on Carpet. She wears her battle attire and holds a spear.)
Sultan: Jasmine! What are you doing?
Jasmine: I can't sit by and watch Agrabah fall.
Sultan: I can't sit by and watch you fly to your death! (pauses) There is one recourse and it's something I must do.
(He runs into the palace)
Sultan: Wait here for me, Jasmine!
Iago: (to himself) On the off chance he's ducking tail and hiding... (to Jasmine) I'll cover Sultan! (follows him)
Jasmine: Whatever you're doing father, hurry.
(Setting: inside the palace. Sultan runs down a hallway, Iago behind him. Sultan lights a torch, then opens a hatch leading to a secret staircase. He descends, then runs through a hallway.)

Iago: A secret hiding place... (follows) you sultans think of everything.

(Sultan stops before a door decorated with a sword-shaped coat of arms.)

Iago: This is fantastic! A minotaur-resistant safety chamber.
Sultan: No. This is a memory my family has tried very hard to forget.

(He opens the door and enters the room, which is filled with pots and crates.)

Iago: (Walks around) You're trying to forget a storage closet? Look, I know a pawn shop that would give you a few bucks for this junk...

(Iago screams. He's noticed a statue of a large, muscular man who wears thick armor and holds a knife. Sultan approaches the statue)

Sultan: Here it is. The armor of Kileem.
Iago: Handsome man, that Kileem.
Sultan: My father told me the legends. The man who wears this armor becomes invincible.
Iago: So, who you gonna get to try it on?
Sultan: My father also said it should never be worn—the consequences could be tragic. I can ask no other.
(Sultan removes the shoulder armor; green smoke emanates from the statue.)

(Setting: the streets. Tusk uses his mace to smash a hole in a building, exposing a poor woman and her baby.)

Tusk: The helpless make for amusing toys.
Jasmine: (Watches from the palace balcony) I can't wait for Father. Let's go, Carpet.
(She jumps on Carpet and they fly to Tusk, who is about to hit the poor woman with his mace)
Jasmine: Leave them alone!
Tusk: What?
(He hits Jasmine with the mace; she flies off of Carpet and lands on a pile of sandbags.)
Tusk: (Approaches) The bold, however, make for a good, quick mashing.
Sultan: There will be no mashing.

(Sultan is behind Tusk. He is wearing Kileem's armor and his voice is almost robotic. Tusk approaches.)

Tusk: Now what weak thing beckons Tusk?
Iago: (hidden behind Sultan's leg) Wasn't me!
Tusk: Do you mock me with your meager horns, little man?
Sultan: You won't have any horns once I pluck them from your face, cowl.
Iago: Easy with the jabs, chief, you may be wearing untested invincible armor.
Tusk: Destroy! (swings the mace)
Iago: (screams, flies off screen, then returns with a contract) Would you mind signing this? It bequeaths a small portion of the royal jewels to me in the event of your passing.(Tusk nears; Iago screams and flies away)
Tusk: Fare thee well, puny one! (He attacks Sultan, then lifts his mace to assess the damage. Sultan is gone) What?
Iago: (some distance away) Where did he go?
(Sultan is behind Tusk.)
Sultan: Behind you, beast.

(Tusk attacks Sultan, who jets out of the way and escapes)

Tusk: What trickery is this?
Sultan: (Several feet in front of Tusk) Over here, Tusk.
(Sultan runs and, within seconds, is in another block)
Sultan: Or, am I over here?
Tusk: Hold still, old man!

(Tusk chases after him and attacks; Sultan runs into an open section of town. Tusk follows, attacks, and misses; Sultan runs again. Tusk, frustrated, smashes the ground with his mace. Sultan, now near Jasmine, Iago, and Carpet, watches)

Iago: Swarthier, zippier... but it's him!
(Tusk lifts a building out of the ground and throws it at the Sultan. It appears to hit him.)
Jasmine: Father!
Iago: Oh boy.
(Tusk laughs and rubs his hands together, accomplished. The rubble where Sultan had stood vibrates.)
Tusk: What?
(Sultan lifts the building off of him; he holds it up with one hand. Jasmine and Iago gasp)
Sultan: Who is weak, horned giant?
Tusk: Impossible!
Jasmine: Iago, how did Father get so strong?
Iago: Hint, it's not the stair climber we got him.

(Tusk nears Jasmine and Iago, but is stopped when a chain thrown by the Sultan, gets wrapped around one of his horns. Sultan throws Tusk into a building, then punches him, rendering him unconscious. Sultan's eyes glow green.)

(Jasmine, Iago, and Carpet fly to Sultan)
Iago: Muy macho el Sultano!
Jasmine: Father, you stopped him! (hugs him) You've saved Agrabah.
Sultan: Yes. (turns away from her) But this is only the beginning. I see great things for Agrabah. (evil laugh) Great things, indeed.
(Sultan's eyes glow green)

(Setting: the secret chamber. The Kileem statue's eyes glow green.)

(Setting: Outside the palace, sometime later. Aladdin, Abu, and another man enter on an elephant driven by Genie.)

Aladdin: Welcome to Agrabah, Ambassador Akim. While you are visiting, consider this your home.
(Akim disembarks, followed by Aladdin and Abu)
Genie: (Dressed as bellhop; to Akim) We aims to please, mister! Be sure to ask for a window room. Tell 'em Genie sent ya. (turns Abu into a bellhop) Skeeter, take the man's bags. (The bag appears on top of Abu)
Akim: I look forward to meeting your Sultan, so that we may fortify the alliance between our two kingdoms.
Aladdin: There's not a more generous soul in all the Seven Deserts that our Sultan.

(They enter the palace)

Aladdin: And this is the Sultan's... uh, throne room?

(The room is filled with weapons and large horns are mounted on the wall above the throne. The Kileem statue is on the right side of the room.)

Genie: (scoffs) They redecorated and didn't call me? Personally, I would have gone with a rustic cabin motif.
Abu: (thinking) Uh huh, uh huh... yeah, yeah...
(Aladdin and Akim pass the Kileem statue)
Akim: An ... interesting decor. (Sees the throne) Those horns belong to a mighty beast!
Jasmine: Dominus Tusk, actually. (She enters, with Iago) My father bested him in battle.
Iago: Whupped him good!
Akim: Bested Dominus Tusk? Our army could not defeat him!
Aladdin: Well, the Sultan has a fine army.
Jasmine: Aladdin, you don't understand. Father beat him with his bare hands.

(Aladdin gasps)

Genie: Let me get this straight.... (he flies into the air, his face resembling Tusk's) Dominus Tusk, big old minotaur was beat up by (returns to the ground and lowers his hands to indicate a short person) Sultan, little old miniature?
Iago: Having this guy Kileem's magic armor doesn't hurt, but that's splitting hairs. Sultan's a big kahuna now.
Aladdin: I'm amazed!

(Sultan enters)

Sultan: And why is that? Am I too feeble to protect my kingdom?
Akim: Ambassador Akim of Ganastan at your service, oh mighty Sultan. (He bows, then extends his hand) I salute you for ridding the Seven Deserts of Dominus Tusk.
Sultan: I accept your gratitude. (shakes his hand)
Akim: This is the heroism of which legends are made! Someone of your stature, taking on a giant—
Sultan: (angry) What do you mean by "my stature?" (He squeezes Akim's hand; Akim groans)
Jasmine: Father!
Aladdin: Sultan?
Akim: Please! I meant no disrespect. (Begs) Forgive me! (Sultan lets go; Akim falls to his knees and crawls away)
Sultan: After an insult like that, you should beg me not to declare war on your country!
Aladdin: Uh, Sultan, with all due respect, um, perhaps you, uh, overreacted?
Sultan: Overreacted?! Overreacted?! (He grunts, frustrated, then punches a stone pillar, leaving a hole. Genie's jaw drops.) I am the Sultan. I do not overreact! (Stomps out of the room)
Aladdin: Whoa.
Iago: That armor's done a lot for his self-esteem.
Jasmine: It makes father stronger than a hundred men. But it's changed him, for the worse.
Aladdin: Whoa…

(Setting: the palace, later. Aladdin and Jasmine peek into Sultan's toy room. There's a padlock on the door.)

Jasmine: He's been in his toy room for days. The only time he comes out is to train the guards. He says, "we must be prepared to defend Agrabah's honor".
Aladdin: What's he doing in there?
(The door opens; Sultan emerges. Jasmine gasps)
Jasmine: Hello, Father!
(Sultan closes the door, then padlocks it)
Sultan: No time for chit-chat, time to train. (Walks away) We must be prepared to defend Agrabah's honor.
Jasmine: Father's never felt the need to lock me out before.
Aladdin: We need to know what's in there. (Pulls a lock pick out of his vest pocket) Abu's not the only ex-thief in Agrabah.

(Setting: outside. Sultan holds one end of a rope; three palace guards are on the other end, struggling to pull him down)

Sultan: With the proper use of direct strength, a single combatant can claim victory— (he pulls the rope, knocking the guards down) —over a force of many weaker foes.
Iago: My, what an inspiring lesson! Bravo!
Sultan: Genie! I need you for a demonstration.
Genie: (Turns into a soldier) Gene, the Lean Marine, reporting for duty, Sir!
Sultan: (To the guards) Now here's an opponent who seems worthy. But remember— even the most powerful opponent has a weak spot. (He grabs Genie's stomach and pulls it. Genie transforms back to normal, shocked) Remember also, never show mercy to your opponent, even when he's down.
Genie: Uh oh..
(Sultan grabs Genie's hand and uses it as leverage to smash him into the ground. The guards cringe. Genie is stuck in the ground, dizzy, with lamps circling his head.)
Iago: (Lands on Sultan's shoulder; obviously sucking up) Nice form, Your Highness!

(Setting: Sultan's toy room. It is filled with various maps and scrolls. Aladdin and Jasmine each read a scroll aloud)

Aladdin: "Kileem ruled Agrabah with an iron-fist. His magic armor made him strong as stone".
Jasmine: "As Kileem lay dying, he cast a curse: My legacy will live on within he who dares to don my armor." (Puts down the scroll; goes to Aladdin) Oh no! That armor has cursed Father.
Aladdin: (Notices the map on the wall) What is this? Ganastan? These are plans to invade Ganastan!
Jasmine: (Looks at other scrolls) Not just Ganastan— Father plans to conquer all the Seven Deserts!
Aladdin: Kileem's making him do this. He's taken over Sultan's thoughts.

(They hear someone open the door; both gasp. Sultan enters, holding the lock in his hand)

Sultan: Hmmm... unlocked. Now who could have opened it? (Jasmine is underneath the table) And where would they hide? And what will I do to them when I find them!? (Sultan picks up the table and throws it across the room. He forces Jasmine onto her feet) What are you doing here? Answer me!

(Aladdin watches from behind a tapestry.)

Jasmine: Why, Father, I was just reviewing your invasion plans. They're excellent.
Sultan: You approve of my plans?
Jasmine: Of course! The kingdoms of the Seven Deserts are rightfully ours. It's about time Agrabah used its muscle.
Sultan: Then why did you hide from me?
Jasmine: Uh, I thought you'd be mad at me for meddling in your secret affairs.
Sultan: Well, a father shouldn't keep secrets from his daughter. (He throws a dagger at the tapestry Aladdin hides behind) Nor should a daughter keep secrets from her father! (He exits)
Aladdin: (Sighs; the dagger barely missed his left shoulder) Whoa...

(Setting: The throne room. Iago lays on the Kileem statue's shoulder, eating grapes)

Iago: I, for one, have been sleeping better knowing Sultan Muscles is protecting our city.
Jasmine: "Sultan Muscles" is planning to take over the world!
Aladdin: We just have to see to it that he doesn't get past the planning stage...
Iago: (Sarcastic) What are you gonna do, fight him? He can rip your liver out with his pinky!

(Genie enters, in a wheelchair. His body is covered in various casts and bandages)
Genie: Yeah, I'm living proof—barely.
Jasmine: Iago's right—we don't have a chance as long as Father's wearing that armor.
Aladdin: Maybe we can trick him out of the armor...

(Setting: the cliffs near Agrabah. Aladdin, Sultan, Genie, Abu, and Carpet stand on the edge of a cliff, overlooking a river.)

Aladdin: And now to get to Ganastan, your troops will have to cross this river. You, uh, see the problem, Sultan?
Sultan: Ah, yes, I see the problem. The problem, as I see it, is that you brought me all the way out here to show me a river! What kind of a fool do you take me for?
Aladdin: Genie, now!

(Genie blasts Sultan with magic; Sultan is knocked off of the cliff and into the river below)

Sultan: (as he falls) Traitors!

(Sultan lands at the bottom of the river; he tries to swim up to the surface, but he's too heavy. Aladdin and the others fly down to the riverbed. They see air bubbles on the surface of the water)

Aladdin: If he wants air, he'll have to take off that armor and come up for some! (They wait; the air bubbles stop appearing) Uh oh.
Genie: He's not coming up...
Aladdin: Go get him, Genie.
Genie: He's gonna be really, really mad.
Aladdin: We can't let him drown!
Genie: I'm on it! (He turns into a scuba diver and dives into the river. He reaches the bottom; there is a large hole in the river bottom) Huh? (He swims down the hole)
Aladdin: What could be taking Genie so long?
Abu: I don't know.

(Sultan pops out of the sand behind Aladdin, Abu, and Carpet)

Sultan: Vengeance is mine!
Aladdin: Carpet! (Carpet picks up Aladdin and Abu, but Sultan places a foot down on top of him before he can fly away)
Sultan: Going somewhere? (He pokes Aladdin with one finger, knocking him over)
Genie: (Appears from the same hole that Sultan had) Hey, Al, I think the sultan tunneled... (sees the situation; Sultan runs toward him) Whoa!
Abu: Carpet, let's move! (Carpet picks up Aladdin and flies to Genie)

(Sultan grabs Genie's chin and rears back to punch him; three pairs of glasses appear on Genie's face, all of a different shape and color)
Genie: You wouldn't hit a guy with glasses, would ya?

(Sultan rips the glasses off Genie's face and throws them aside. Carpet passes by; Aladdin grabs Genie and pulls him onto Carpet. Sultan chases them.)
Sultan: You can't run from me!
Aladdin: But we can fly! Carpet! (They fly into the air and away from Sultan)
Sultan: Vile betrayers!

(Sultan lifts a palm tree out of the ground and hurls it at Carpet; it hits, and Aladdin, Genie, Carpet, and Abu fall out of the air and into an oasis. Sultan laughs)

(Setting: The palace. Jasmine is in her chamber, looking out the window. Iago rests on her bed.)

Jasmine: This is taking much too long. Where are they?
Iago: If they're smart, which I doubt, they're begging the Sultan of Strong for forgiveness. (Flies over to her) You see, you're looking at this the wrong way. Princess of Agrabah, small potatoes! Princess of the Seven Deserts—now you're talking. This armor thing could be the best thing that's ever happened to us!

(Guards Rasoul, Hakim, and Fazal enter)
Rasoul: Seize them! By order of the Sultan.

(Setting: The palace dungeon. Jasmine is chained to the wall. Sultan enters)

Sultan: Keeping secrets from Father, hmm?
Jasmine: You're not my father, you're Kileem. My father would never harm the innocent. My father's not a coward.
Sultan: A coward, you say?
Jasmine: If you're not, then let my father go. (looks away)
Sultan: (His voice is back to normal) Jasmine, is there something you would like to say to me?
Jasmine: Father? Father, you can't carry out Kileem's invasion plans. Lives will be lost if we go to war. You must listen. It's me, your daughter. Please, release me, Father.
Sultan: Jasmine, I have no intention of keeping you here.
Jasmine: Oh, father. (smiles)
Sultan: Oh, no, no my dear, don't worry. You'll be leaving here by sundown. (in Kileem’s voice) For that's when I've scheduled your execution!
(Jasmine gasps)

(Setting: The oasis; dusk. Carpet and Abu stand over Aladdin, shaking him. Genie is nearby, his head buried in the sand.)

Abu: Wake up, wake up!
Aladdin: (Sits up) Ow, my head.
Genie: (lifts his head, dizzy) Anybody get the license number of that flying tree?
Aladdin: The Sultan, he's on to us. We've got to get back to Agrabah.
(Aladdin and Abu jump on Carpet; Genie turns into a jet and flies underneath Carpet)
Genie: Let's jet.
(They fly toward the palace)

(Setting: A high tower near the palace. The Sultan walks a handcuffed Jasmine to her own execution. Rasoul waits on the platform.)

Jasmine: Rasoul... (He looks at her, then puts his hood on with reluctance).
(Sultan shoves Jasmine; she falls into position)
Sultan: Be done with it, Rasoul.
Rasoul: Forgive me your highness!
(Rasoul winks at Jasmine; she smiles and lowers her head. He swings the axe; Jasmine moves her head and puts the handcuffs in its place. Rasoul breaks them)
Rasoul: (Blocking the Sultan) Run Princess!
(Jasmine escapes)
Sultan: Surrounded by treason! (He pushes Rasoul into a pillar, knocking him unconscious, then follows Jasmine. He darts in front of her) I'll just have to do it myself!

(Sultan picks Jasmine up and throws her over the ledge. She screams, but never hits the ground. Aladdin, on Carpet, catches her.)
Sultan: The conspirators, alive? A mistake I won't again make!

(Sultan jumps off of the ledge and lands on Carpet; he's too heavy and Carpet crashes to the ground below. Sultan lands; his eyes glow green. He approaches the group, who fell across from him)

Aladdin: Jasmine, we have stop him.
Jasmine: Do whatever it takes. He's no longer my father. He's Kileem.
Genie: I understand. Alright, Kileem, say hello to… Genie Bot! (turns into a Transformers robot) (to the audience) I'm from the future. (To Sultan) Taste hot flesh from the future! (echos) (He shoots his lasers at Sultan; they hit him, but he keeps inching toward the group)

Iago: (Off-screen; screaming) Help, up here!

Aladdin: The throne room!

(Aladdin, Jasmine, and Abu jump on Carpet and fly to the throne room. Iago backs against the edge of his cage, screaming)

Iago: Don't let it near me!
Aladdin: What, don't let what near you? (Iago points to the Kileem statue) It's just a statue.
Iago: Sure, that's what I said. (Abu picks the cage's lock and frees Iago) Then it looked at me funny...
Aladdin: Iago...
Iago: Look, there he goes again!
(The statue's eyes glow green)
Aladdin: Kileem... strong as stone...

(Setting: outside the palace. Sultan picks the Genie Bot up and spins him around. He throws Genie across the palace lawn, then approaches him)

Genie: Halt! (Mid-transformation) I transform you know (echos) — (he becomes a toaster; Sultan laughs, then picks Genie up.) —toast anyone? (Sultan tosses Genie over his shoulder.)

(Sultan's eyes glow green. Cut to the statue, whose eyes still glow)
Aladdin: I've got a hunch that that armor gets its strength from somewhere else.
(Aladdin touches the statue; he is thrown across the room)
Jasmine: Aladdin!
Aladdin: We've got to destroy that statue.

(Sultan enters, laughing)
Sultan: It cannot be destroyed. As least, not by the likes of you, weak boy.
(Genie enters)
Genie: Oh yeah? Then lets turn things over to 40,000 megatons of military industrial know-how. (He turns into a rocket, then targets the statue) Fire!

(The rocket flies into the statue; there is an explosion, which nearly destroys the balcony. The gang goes onto the balcony; the statue, still whole, hangs over the edge. Sultan is clinging onto the statue, about to fall)

Sultan: (His normal voice) Help me, Aladdin!
Aladdin: (Reaches for Sultan) Grab on!
(Sultan does so. His eyes turn green and he laughs evilly. He pulls Aladdin off the balcony and throws him toward the ground below)

Jasmine: Aladdin!

(Carpet hurries to Aladdin; he breaks his fall. Sultan climbs over the statue and onto the balcony. The weight is too much, however, and the balcony collapses. Genie grabs onto Jasmine, Iago, and Abu. Sultan and the statue crash into Aladdin and Carpet and all land on the ground.)

(Carpet is trapped under a large piece of rock. Aladdin, on top of a rock pile, sits up and rubs his head. Sultan emerges from a pile of boulders)
Sultan: Destroy!

(Sultan runs at Aladdin; he dodges and Sultan crashes into a slab of stone, breaking it. Aladdin sees the Kileem statue and gets an idea; he dodges another attack and positions himself in front of the statue.)

Aladdin: It ends here, Kileem.
Jasmine: (On the ground, with the others) Aladdin, no!
Sultan: Yes!

(Sultan, his eyes glowing, lunges for Aladdin. Aladdin ducks; Sultan realizes he is about to smash the statue)

Sultan: No!

(Sultan hits the statue, breaking it. A green, djinn-like spirit rises out of the remains, writhes in agony, then disappears.)

Aladdin: Destroyed, by the likes of you.

(Sultan sits nearby. The armor falls off of him; he looks around, confused. The others approach him)

Aladdin: Sultan, are you okay?
Jasmine: Father?
Sultan: Did… did I stop Dominus Tusk?
Jasmine: (Hugs him) Yes, Father... yes, you did.

THE END

55. Scare Necessities/ Плата за страх
(Setting: The Skull and Dagger. Hamar walks through the crowded tavern. His stomach growls.) Hamar: Sandwich!
Innkeeper: Sandwich!

(A server walks by, a cooked chicken on his tray. The Innkeeper steals the chicken from him, then steals two slices of bread from another thief to make the sandwich. He turns to spread a condiment on the sandwich; a different thief steals the sandwich from the Innkeeper and sneaks away. He nearly escapes, but a dog comes from behind a curtain and takes the sandwich into its mouth. The dog passes Hamar, who replaces the sandwich with a bone. Hamar lifts the sandwich to take a bite, but a man's foot appears from off-screen and tries to steal the sandwich.)

Hamar: Wuh?

(The foot grabs Hamar's nose and squeezes it, then reaches into the sandwich and takes the chicken. Hamar grabs the man's ankle before he can escape.)

Hamar: No one steals from Hamar! (He sees his attacker, Amin Damoolah) A-ha!
Amin Damoolah: What? This is not my foot.
Hamar: Butterfingers! (His face turns red and smoke escapes his mouth. He dangles Amin upside down by his ankle.)
Amin: My name is Amin Damoolah! And that is not my foot.
Hamar: Oh? (he smiles deviously) Then you should not feel it when I do this! (He takes the slices of bread and remakes the sandwich, the chicken still attached to Amin's foot. He takes a bite.)
Amin: (In obvious pain) Feel... what?
Thief 1: Oooh, floorshow!
Thief 2: Pain!
Thief 3: Let's watch!

(The thieves leave their tables and surround the two men, whooping and hollering for Hamar. Across the room, Iago and Abu rise from the inside of a pot)

Hamar: Real thieves do not get caught, Butterfingers!

Iago: Amin Damoolah, king of pain. (He sees a table covered with treasure) Just the distraction we need.
Abu: Uh uh!
Iago: What? Stealing from thieves isn't stealing. It's reorganizing. Uh, for a profit.

(Iago flies over to the table. Abu shrugs, then joins him. Iago picks up bags of treasure and loads them onto Abu's back.)

Iago: Besides, we wouldn't have to do this if we got some palace perks once in a while.

Hamar: (Ties Amin's legs together) I call it slipknot!

(Hamar throws Amin into Iago and Abu; the two fly into the air and crash back down onto the table. They see Hamar's angry face; their jaws drop to the table)

Iago and Abu: (Wave to Hamar) Hello...

(Setting: Outside the Skull and Dagger. Iago and Abu run out of the building)

Hamar: (From within) Get them!
(Amin exits, still tied up and bouncing along on his hands)
Amin: Halt, I am giving chase!
(The other thieves stampede out of the club, trampling Amin. The thieves follow Iago and Abu through the alley, swords drawn.

Iago: In here!

(Iago and Abu duck into a shop. The thieves run past the shop, still in pursuit. Iago and Abu try to catch their breath, when someone reaches out and taps Iago on the back; he yelps and runs over to Abu).

Iago: It's all his fault! He made me do it! Bad monkey!
Aladdin: Do what, Iago?
Iago: Al? What are you doing here?

(Genie appears with a blue, revolving light on his head. He uses his tail as a microphone)

Genie: Attention Genie Mart shoppers! Blue Genie special on aisle 12!
Aladdin: We're shopping.
Iago: (Flies onto Aladdin's shoulder) So, what are we shopping for?
Aladdin: A gift for Jasmine. (Knocks away a spider web) But the only thing I'm likely to get in this place is the creeps. (Walks by a hanging pot of water, with a brain inside)
Genie: (Standing by a large plant) Nonsense, Al. Look, here's a nice ordinary ficus. Easy to care for, just add water!

(Genie makes a watering can appear and waters the plant, which tries to eat him. Genie fights to get out of its grip. Meanwhile, Abu walks on top of a counter, past a fancy, teal-and-gold box, and up to a scary tribal mask. Abu imitates the mask, then walks away, laughing. The box jumps; Abu turns around to find the source of the noise. He dismisses it, turns around, and it happens again. Abu scratches his head.)

Aladdin: (Inspecting a pot) Genie, maybe Jasmine would like a nice locket.
Genie: A locket? What makes you think so? (He fights the plant; a ham is his weapon)
Aladdin: She's been dropping little hints.
Genie: Oh? What kind of hints?
Aladdin: Oh, like, like, whenever she sees a locket she points and screams "I want one!"
Genie: (To the plant) Here, boy! Go get it! (Genie throws the ham; the ficus pursues it) Locket schmocket. Rover fetches!

(Abu still looks for the source of the noise. He walks past the box; it jumps. Abu sees it, and points to it angrily)

Abu: Why, you...

(Abu picks up a mallet and tries to smash the box, but the Mystic, the owner of the shop, grabs it from him)

Mystic: You break it, you bought it.
Aladdin: What'd you find, Abu? (Picks up the box) It's nice...
Mystic: It's not for sale! So back off or I'll feed you to my ficus! (Abu blows a raspberry. The Mystic walks away)
Aladdin: We were just looking for a gift.
Mystic: (Interested) How much you got? (Aladdin holds up a pouch of coins. The Mystic yanks it from him, weighs the contents in her palm, then looks inside the bag) Maybe I can dig up something in the bargain bin... (she disappears behind a curtain)

(Aladdin follows the woman, annoyed.)

Genie: ...ok, so she needs work on her customer relations.

(Aladdin and Genie go into the next room)

Iago: You know, this gift giving business could be our chance to get in good with the princess.
Abu: Huh?
Iago: We give Jasmine a little token of our esteem. She lets us in on a few palace perks. You know... caviar, manicures, a reclining chair that vibrates. And we never have to mess with those bezerkoids at the Thieves' Guild again. And all you have to do is steal it. (He indicates the box).
Abu: Uh uh!
Iago: What's the problem? The hag insulted you! And you know she's back there giving Al the business right now.
Aladdin: (Off-screen, yelling) Forty shekels for a gift wrap?!
Iago: See?

(Aladdin, Genie, and the Mystic emerge; Aladdin carries a large, gift-wrapped box)

Genie: She'll love it, Al. Trust me.
Aladdin: I don't know. Maybe I should have gotten her the locket... (Aladdin and Genie exit, Iago behind them)
Iago: A pleasure doing business with you! (laughs)
Mystic: The pleasure is all mine. (She laughs, turns, and gasps- the box is gone)

(Setting: Alley. Abu is behind Aladdin and Genie, carrying the box in front of him.)

-------------------------

(Setting: Palace, outside. Aladdin presents the gift to Jasmine; Genie watches)

Jasmine: A gift? For me? Oh, Aladdin, you shouldn't have!

(She rips open the gift, then reaches into the box and pulls out a large, stuffed yak. She smells it and throws it back into the box.)

Aladdin: It's a stuffed animal.
Jasmine: Stuffed with what? It stinks!
Genie: Actually, it's a yak decoy! Yaks just love that musky odor. (leans into the box and takes a deep breath) Whoa! (He stands upright. Hairs sprout on his chest) Puts hair on your chest.
Iago: A-hem! (He and Abu stand across from the others, beside the stolen box.) I have also brought you a gift, princess!
Abu: Hey!
Iago: Eh, it's from the both of us.
Jasmine: (Approaches them) Why, Iago, it's beautiful. (Picks up the box) I-I don't know how to thank you.
Iago: Let's just say you'll owe us one.
Aladdin: Hey, wait a minute! I know that box. (Jasmine opens it a bit and peers inside. Something within makes a noise and backs away.) I was going to buy that for you! (He approaches Jasmine; Iago panics, steps forward, and trips him.)

Jasmine: Aladdin!

(Aladdin falls into Jasmine and the open box, which escapes her grip and bounces away. Jasmine steps over Aladdin, still on the ground, to retrieve the box, when a locket appears in Aladdin's hand.)

Aladdin: ...a locket?

(Jasmine, about to pick up the box, sees the locket, gasps, and approaches him)

Jasmine: Aladdin! (She takes the locket from him and examines it) It's just what I wanted! (She bends down and kisses him, his face bewildered. She puts the locket on and twirls)
Iago: How'd he do that?!
Aladdin: (Stands up) Thanks for the locket, Genie.
Genie: Wasn't me.
Aladdin: Then, who? How?
Iago: (By the box, with Abu) Get a load of the craftsmanship on this baby! Check out the roomy interior! (Struggles to open it) Roomy interior. (To Abu) Hey, ya wanna help me here? Ah!

(The box flies open, sending Abu and Iago to the ground. A creature runs out of the box and hides under a pile of pillows. Gifts appear in Iago and Abu's hands-- caviar for Iago, a banana parfait for Abu).

Iago: Caviar? Banana parfait? (Holds up his foot) And a manicure. Whoo! We were just wishin' for this stuff! (looks around) Where's my chair?

(Aladdin and Jasmine approach the creature)
Jasmine: Come on out. We won't hurt you. (The creature shakes his head and backs away. Jasmine stands; she has an idea. She walks away)
Iago: This stuff can't be real. (Abu takes a bite of his parfait. He smiles, then dumps the entire thing into his mouth).
Jasmine: (Returns, with fruit) Are you hungry little critter? (Jasmine holds out some grapes. The creature considers, then leaps from his spot and onto Jasmine's arm. She feeds him) Iago, Abu, he's adorable!

Iago: First the locket, now this stuff. That animal's got something to do with it. But how?

(Rajah approaches. He growls when he sees the creature with Jasmine. The creatures notices him and yelps; a steak appears before Rajah. He takes it and leaves).

Iago: It happens when he gets scared. He makes stuff appear so he can get away.
Abu: Huh?
Iago: Every time the little squirt gets spooked, he grants a wish. The locket, my caviar, Rajah's dinner. Whatever's your heart's desire.
Abu: And my parfait!
Iago: Yeah, even your banana parfait.

(Abu runs over to the creature. Aladdin and Jasmine, looking amorously at one another, don't notice him. Abu jumps down and startles the creature; a banana parfait appears. Abu eats it).

Iago: (Rubs his wings together) Just a little scare and I can get anything I want. (Devious) I am so happy.

------------

(Setting: Jasmine's chamber, night. Jasmine sleeps, the creature beside her. Abu reaches onto the bed and grabs the creature. A banana parfait appears. Abu eats it off camera, then throws the yak decoy into the creature's spot on Jasmine's bed. She rolls over, but continues to sleep, putting her arm over the yak.)

------------

(Setting: Aladdin's hovel, morning. Iago jumps around and tries to scare the creature. Iago "roars," then coughs. The creature rolls on the floor, laughing.)

Iago: Ahem! Stop with the laughing, already. What, you think I'm funny? Do I amuse you?! (Approaches the creature) I'm not funny. (Holds his wing up to his mouth, like a vampire would his cape. He speaks, ala Dracula) I'm very scary. Really. (His own voice) Ask anyone! (The creature giggles) You dirty little... (he stomps away, then pauses, with an idea) ahhh, element of surprise. (He paces, nonchalantly, then turns and leaps into the creature's face, jumping around and making "scary" noises. The creature watches him, a smile on his face. After a few seconds of his, Iago holds his throat, dizzy). Can't breathe.

(He lays on the ground, panting. The creature comes over and licks his cheek.)

Iago: Yeck! (Wipes the saliva away, then sits up) Ok, tell me, what am I not doing right?!

(Across the room, Abu, now fat, sits surrounded by empty parfait glasses. He stands and wobbles over to Iago and the creature; he makes a funny face and the creature screams. A banana parfait appears; Abu eats it).

Iago: Ah, life is so unfair! (Iago throws himself at the creature's feet, begging) I don't wanna be your friend! I want gifts, big expensive gifts! Please, fear me!

(Outside the window, a siren sounds and a red light flashes. Genie is beneath the hovel, dressed as an officer and riding a floating motorcycle.)

Genie: This is Missing Pets Patrol. We have the hovel surrounded!

(Iago throws a blanket over the creature. Genie enters the hovel, his finger pointed at Iago).

Genie: Come out with your critter up! (Turns into a beauty contestant) Oh, I'm employee of the month! Oh, just like I've always wanted. I really don't deserve it... well, maybe I do. I just never expected it!
Iago: (Looks around; to Abu) Hey, where'd the Squirt go? (Squirt, still under the blanket, tumbles out the hovel window. Iago runs to him and hangs over the edge) Gotcha! (He comes back up, but is holding only the blanket. He screams and looks outside to see Squirt land in a cauldron, which rests atop a cart.)
Driver: Giddy up! (The cart moves forward. Squirt pokes his head out of the cauldron, whimpering.)

Iago: (gasps) My livelihood!
Genie: (Notices Abu's weight gain.) Abu! You didn't... eat him? (Abu burps)
Iago: Eat? Great idea, Abu's famished. (Picks Abu up with his feet and flies out of the hovel) If we spot the pet, we'll send up a flare!
Abu: Bye bye!
(Iago sinks under Abu's weight)
Iago: Whoa!

----------------------

(Setting: Outside the Skull and Dagger. The driver and another man bring the cargo into the tavern. The cauldron is still outside; Squirt knocks it over and peeks out. He sees no one and sneaks away. A shadow appears over him.)

Innkeeper: A rat! Would make a nice sandwich! (He reaches for Squirt; there's a flash and a large sandwich appears in the Innkeeper's hand) ...and that's a nice sandwich!

(Squirt sneaks into the Skull and Dagger. He tumbles down the stairs and runs to find a hiding place. He runs into a thief's leg; a large jewel appears in that man's hand.)

Hamar: In the name of Ali Baba!

(Squirt keeps running; other thieves receive treasure as he passes.)

Hamar: (Picks up Amin, who had been on all fours behind him). You see, foot stool? The mark of fine thieves. Their plunder appears as if by magic! (Drops Amin, who notices Squirt).
Amin: (To himself) Oh, as if by magic creature!

(Squirt hides behind a barrel. Amin approaches him, a wicked smile on his face. A pile of coins appears in front of him.)

Amin: Thank you, little gift giver. (He reaches out to Squirt).

-------------------------

(Setting: Outside the Skull and Dagger. Abu and Iago see the cauldron Squirt landed in and investigate. Abu lifts the lid and notices Squirt isn't inside).

Abu: Uh oh!
Iago: (Notices where he is; throws his hands up to his temples, petrified) Not the Skull and Dagger!

------------------------

(Setting: Inside the Skull and Dagger. Amin sits alone at a table, a upside down pot in front of him. He lifts the pot slightly; Squirt is inside.)

Amin: Boo! (A pie appears.) Pie! (Amin picks it up and sniffs it) Oh, how I've always wished to taste pie! (He stands, dancing merrily with the pie) The countless times I've failed to filch them from windowsills. This is the happiest day of my—

(He twirls and hits Hamar in the face with the pie)

Amin: Life.
Hamar: This is the last day of your life, Butterfingers!
Amin: Don't hit me! (Backs away)
Hamar: Oh, and if I do?
Amin: (He backs up to the table, reaches under the pot, and picks up Squirt) I'll... eat him! Yes, that's what I'll do. So don't come any closer, ok?
Hamar: (Approaches) I am coming closer!

(Amin holds up Squirt, who still faces Amin. Squirt screams, then smoke appears. From the smoke, a large green monster growls).

------------------------

(Setting: Outside the Skull and Dagger. Iago paces; Abu watches)

Iago: Ah, ok, let's review. Out here, safety and poverty. In there, prosperity and death. (Crosses his arms) That's it, I'm not going in!

(The thieves, led by Hamar, flee the Skull and Dagger)
Hamar: Run!
Iago: (watches them run away, then looks toward the Skull and Dagger) ...ok, I'll go in.

---------------------

(Setting: Inside the Skull and Dagger. Amin sits at the table again, Squirt in front of him.)

Amin: What a little mind reader you are! (Rubs his hands together, gleefully) Oh, I've always wanted to do that to them!
Iago: (Appears in the doorway) Party's over, Butterfingers! I'm here to get the Squirt back.

(Amin and Squirt look at him for a moment, unsure. Amin grabs Squirt.)

Amin: Nobody calls Amin "Butterfingers!"
Iago: (he walks toward Amin) Oh, I'm so scared! What are you gonna do, fall on me? (The monster is behind Iago; he nudges him with his snout. Iago continues, not looking back) Don't stop me now, Abu, I'm on a roll! Ya see, nobody scares my rodent but me, Amin! (The monster walks behind him. Iago notices and stops. The monster runs into him. Iago, still not looking back, wipes off his feathers) Stop with the hot breathing, Abu, you're wrinkling my feathers! (Iago sees Abu, who points toward the monster. Iago turns; the monster roars) Nice doggy!
Amin: Sic 'im.

(The monster roars again. Iago hides behind the bar and as close to the wall as possible. He sees something beside him; he looks into a mirror, screams, and flies onto the bar, beside the monster. Iago screams and flies away, but the monster grabs with him with his tongue.)

Iago: Whoa! (Being pulled into the monster's mouth) Easy fella, that's a good dragon!

(Amin and Squirt watch. Squirt screams and wriggles out of Amin's arms. He jumps, hits the monster's tongue and frees Iago. The two stand before the monster, Squirt in front of Iago. The monster approaches)

Iago: Don't just stand there, give him something! (He shakes Squirt) This is no time to be brave, be scared, be scared!

(Squirt gulps. The monster roars. Squirt screams; a roasted chicken appears in front of the monster. He begins to devour it. Iago grimaces)

Iago: That's a little close to home...

(Amin runs into the scene and kicks the chicken away from the monster)

Amin: No, no, no! Stupid beast!

(The monster growls; Amin, realizing what he's done, laughs nervously and raises his hat in salute to the monster. He runs, the monster in pursuit. They run in a circle, until Amin tricks the monster and traps him outside. Amin braces himself against the door; the monster bangs into it, but remains trapped. Amin slaps his hands together; a triumphant theme plays. Iago and Squirt look at each other, then Iago gets an idea. He knocks on the floor.)

Iago: Mind getting that Amin?
Amin: No problem!

(Amin opens the door. He gasps; the monster grabs him with his tongue. Iago slams the door, then he and Squirt brace it. Iago laughs, listening to Amin struggle.)

Amin: (from outside) Let me in! Oh no! Nice dragon, nice little dragon! Such a pretty little nice dragon!! (The sound of tearing clothes)

Iago: Whatta team! We did it, Squirt! You mind if I call you Squirt? (The two hug. Squirt licks Iago's beak) Ah, right. How about a sarsaparilla? (The two go over to the bar. Iago fills an over-sized mug with sarsaparilla and slides it to Squirt) You know, we need to figure out a way I can scare some wishes out of ya. (Iago gets himself a sarsaparilla) I mean, I don't want to give you a coronary. Just a little startle now and then, you know, between friends. (He goes over to Squirt) Here's to a beautiful and profitable friendship!

(The two clink their mugs together, then bury their heads in the drink. They lift their heads up, both covered in foam. Squirt laughs at Iago's "beard;" Iago smiles. A shadow falls over them; they gasp. It's Amin, his clothes torn and his smiley-faced boxers exposed.)

Amin: I'm alright! (He reaches for them) But you won't be!
Iago: (Amin grabs Iago) You'll never get away with this. (Iago is thrown into a pot) Abu's getting help, he runs like the wind! (Squirt notices Genie around a corner; Genie brings his finger over his lip to quiet Squirt).
Amin: Back to work, little gift giver. (He picks Squirt up and twirls him) Thanks to you, I will have all of my heart's desires... like, pie! And it's so easy. I simply say "boo." (He looks around; nothing's happened.) I said "boo!"
(Squirt transforms into a huge version of himself. He growls at Amin)

Squirt: Boo!

(Amin runs out of the Skull and Dagger. Iago screams. Squirt stomps over to him)

Iago: Squirt? (Squirt picks up the pot) Easy, boy, easy! I was only kidding about all that scaring stuff. Honest! I'm your friend, remember, friend! (he screams)

(Squirt transforms into Genie)

Genie: Gotcha!
Iago: I hate you.

(Aladdin, Jasmine, and Abu have entered; Jasmine holds Squirt)

Aladdin: Iago!
Iago: (Escapes the pot) Phew, boy, am I glad you guys showed up! Good work, Abu. I was just trying to save Squirt from that bully Damoolah.
Jasmine: Why did you steal my pet, Iago?
Iago: (flies to Aladdin's shoulder) Uh... would you believe if you scare him, he grants your heart's desire?
Mystic: (Off-screen) Not anymore he doesn't. (She approaches Jasmine and points at Squirt, angrily) He's my pet! (Squirt screams; a glass filled with dentures appears in the Mystic's hands)
Iago: (To Aladdin) See?
Mystic: Give him to me!
Jasmine: He doesn't want to go with you!
Iago: Ladies, ladies! (To the Mystic) And in your case, I use the term loosely. Shouldn't we let the Squirt decide what he wants? (Iago flies to the bar) Come here, pal. (Squirt leaps out of Jasmine's arm and goes to him) Just think of what you want. Which reminds me, I've got something to show ya. (Iago holds up the mirror and screams; Squirt sees his own reflection, screams, then disappears. Everyone gasps).
Mystic: You tricked me!
Iago: Correct. Give the crone a prize.
Mystic: You... if I ever see you again, I'll feed you to my ficus! (She exits)
Jasmine: (Looks around) Where... where did he go?
Iago: Squirt scared himself. Wherever he is, we know one thing. He granted his own heart's desire. So long, Squirt, I'll miss you. (One tear falls. He puts his hand over his forehead) And that vibrating chair I never got!

(Setting: An unknown, tropical location. Squirt reclines on a grassy knoll with others of his kind. He eats grapes, a contented smile on his face)

THE END

57. The Animal Kingdom / Животный мир
(Carpet is flying through the sky carrying Aladdin, Abu, and a large sack. Genie is flying out in front of them, dressed as a pilot. Iago is flying behind, trying to keep up.)

Genie: Nothing like flying home after a successful mission!

Aladdin: Genie, slow down! Carpet can't keep up with all this cargo!

Genie: Sorry, ace.

Iago: (lands on Carpet, panting) I'm dying of thirst! I'm dehydrated! I'm parrot jerky!

Abu: Uh huh.

Genie: Jerky bird needs water, hmm? (creates a road map) Let's see here, my map says there's a river just over this— (crashes into a mountain) —mountain.

(They look up to see the mountain towering above them.)

Aladdin: We'd better go around the mountain.

Iago: What, are we riding a camel? We're flying, we can go over.

Aladdin: Give it all you've got, Carpet. You can do it!

(Carpet slowly flies straight up to the top of the mountain. Genie and Iago push from behind. They reach the top and end up sliding down the snow on the other side. They're only able to stop just as they reach the edge of a cliff.)

Iago: So where's the water already?

Aladdin: (looking over the edge of the cliff) It's incredible!

Abu: Oh, wow!

Iago: Enough with the scenery, I want w— Hey now!

(There is a beautiful green valley below them. A river is running through the valley, and we can see it is held back by a dam made of some kind of sparkly material.)

Aladdin: I've never seen a dam that sparkles like that!

Genie: (looking through a telescope) Now when's the last time you saw a dam built out of precious gems?

Iago: Let me see that! (takes the telescope; whistles) If they are real… we are rich!

Aladdin: Wait a minute! (takes the telescope) I see something wrong!

(Aladdin sees a koala hanging from a cliff near the dam, about to fall.)

Aladdin: (giving Carpet's cargo to Genie) Carpet, let's move!

(Aladdin and Carpet swoop down towards the koala, who has just fallen, and catch him.)

Aladdin: Gotcha!

(Right after they catch the koala, they are hit by falling rocks. Carpet is trapped under the rocks, and Aladdin keeps falling down through the trees. He lands on his back and groans. The koala runs away.)

Genie: Oo, that sounded bad!

Iago: Eh, that's the sound of Al having the situation under control. Now, how do we get to that dam?

Genie: Forget about the jewels, we're checking on Al! (turns his hair into a propeller) Contact!

(Genie flies down into the valley like a helicopter, carrying Abu and the sack. Iago follows him.)

(In the forest, Aladdin is still lying on the ground, groaning and holding his right arm. The koala walks back over to him and tries to move him, but Aladdin cries out with pain.)

Aladdin: I think I broke something!

(The koala runs away.)

Aladdin: Hey, I didn't mean mean to scare you! Aah! (grabs his arm)

(Genie flies down and sees Carpet, still trapped under the rocks.)

Genie: Carpet! You've been smashed flat!

Iago: He's a rug, he's always flat!

Genie: (turns his hand into a shovel) This'll only hurt if I miss! (digs Carpet out) Now for the 64 thousand dinari question: where's Al?

(Carpet points down.)

(Aladdin is still lying on the ground in the forest. He tries to get up, but he's in too much pain. He looks up and sees four animals standing over him, all wearing clothes. The koala from before is there, as well as a hyena, a kangaroo, and a warthog.)

Hyena: The cub was right. It appears to be… (laughs) a man.

Kangaroo: An injured man, Sydney.

Warthog: With all due respect, Queen Kimbla, it is a man, therefore it must be destroyed.

Aladdin: I must be dreaming! They're talking! Something's not right.

Warthog: How did you come upon this… man?

Koala: (in a childlike voice) He caught me when I, uh, fell off the mountain.

Kimbla (kangaroo): Climbing the mountain is forbidden! You know that!

Koala: I only wanted to see what is outside our valley.

Warthog: Outside is the world of our enemy. The world of man. And now man is here! We are all in danger.

Kimbla: Our valley will no longer be secret if this man returns to tell other men of what he has found.

Koala: The man saved me!

Aladdin: Hey, I can keep a secret! (tries to get up) Ow!

Kimbla: The man will be taken to our village. We shall tend to his wounds.

Warthog: You know what has happened in the past! Do not allow him to live!

Aladdin: Wait a minute! (grabs his arm) Yah!

Kimbla: His fate will be decided after I have given it due consideration.

Sydney (hyena): Until you decide, your highness, I'll gladly be his keeper.

Aladdin: What do you mean by that?

Sydney: I mean, your guide to our kingdom!

(Later, Sydney is leading Aladdin towards a city of grass huts and treehouses. Aladdin now has his arm in a sling. Animals look out of the village's houses, then quickly run inside and shut the doors and windows when they see Aladdin.)

Aladdin: You live… here?

Sydney: Yes, this is our city.

Aladdin: But… who built it for you?

Sydney: We built it.

(A large koala walks up to Aladdin and gets in his face.)

Koala: Go back where you came from!

(Sydney leads Aladdin away.)

Koala: Accursed man!

(Aladdin is hit in the back with a piece of fruit. When he turns around, the koala is gone.)

Sydney: Huh, just a piece of fruit! Must have fallen from a tree.

Aladdin: Yeah, I guess I'd better be more careful.

(Queen Kimbla and the warthog are watching from a distance.)

Warthog: See how the man brings violence with him?!

Kimbla: Brisbane, it was not the man who threw the fruit.

Brisbane (warthog): Evil is in his heart, and it already spreads!

Kimbla: Very well. For the safety of all, I command that the man be imprisoned.

(Meanwhile, Aladdin's friends are flying through the forest looking for him.)

Genie: (looking at the map) Try… this way!

(Carpet makes a turn, and they crash into a tree.)

Genie: I'm really starting to question the value of this map.

Iago: Maybe we should split up. We'll, uh, cover more ground that way.

Genie: (as a soldier) All right, listen up! The rug and myself will be alpha team. The parrot and the simian will be beta team. All out, men!

(Genie and Carpet march away, leaving Abu and Iago with the sack. Abu starts to march away, but Iago stops him.)

Abu: Huh?

Iago: This is our chance to check out the jewels at in that dam!

Abu: Nuh uh! No no no no no no! Aladdin!

Iago: Monkey, this is no time to get sentimental on me! Those guys'll find Aladdin. I mean, a magic carpet and a genie? How can we, a couple of dumb animals, hope to compete? We have our retirement fund to procure. (empties the sack and hands it to Abu) Take the sack!

(Iago picks up Abu and they fly away.)

(Setting: Sydney's house. Aladdin is lying in bed.)

Sydney: You can rest in here while your injuries heal. Just don't try to leave; it's a long way down.

Aladdin: Sydney, uh, maybe you could keep an eye out for my friends?

Sydney: I'll bring them right here.

(Sydney leaves the house, locks Aladdin inside, then climbs down a rope ladder to the ground.)

Sydney: All right, step right up, everybody! Here's your chance to see a living, breathing man! Don't get too close, now, he's dangerous.

(Other animals gather round, hand Sydney coins, and take turns climbing up the rope ladder to see Aladdin.)

(Setting: the forest. Genie and Carpet are flying over the trees, looking for Aladdin.)

Genie: Whoa, big fella! [Unintelligible]

(Carpet stops. They are now directly above the animals' city.)

Genie: You scope out the suburbs, I'll drop in on the village! (jumps down toward the city)

(Setting: Sydney's house. Aladdin hears a sound and looks up to see a kangaroo looking in the window at him.)

Aladdin: (waving) Hi!

(The kangaroo quickly leaves, scared, followed by another animal. Then Genie looks in the window.)

Genie: Al! (shrinks himself down and slips through the bars) I found you! 'Course, it wasn't too hard; you're drawing quite a crowd.

Aladdin: Genie, have you heard them?! All of the animals in this valley can talk!

Genie: You mean like Iago, or actual intelligent conversation?

Sydney: (outside) That's right everybody, a real, live man! Just look through the window!

Aladdin: (walking up toward the window; angry) What's going on, Sydney?

Sydney: Behold, the evil that is man! Watch out folks, they spit.

(Aladdin tries to force the door open, but can't break the lock.)

Sydney: Whoa, he's a feisty one!

Aladdin: Locked!

(Aladdin runs at the door and tries to knock it down, but slams into the door with his bad arm.)

Aladdin: (rubbing his arm) Bad idea.

Genie: (as a wheelchair, wheels Aladdin back to the bed) You're not exactly back to fighting form, Al.

Aladdin: They're treating me like some kinda criminal!

Genie: Well, once upon a time, but there's no way they could know that.

Aladdin: Genie! I've got to get outta here!

Genie: (turning into a blue wallaby, with an Australian accent) I'll go undercover and get the guys. We'll spring ya! (climbs out through the window) G' day, mate! (bounces away)

(Setting: the dam. Iago and Abu are looking up at it.)

Iago: I think I'm in love!

Abu: Ooo…

Iago: (pulling gems out of the dam) Look how many they have. We'll take but a few.

(Abu starts picking gems off the dam as well, and they end up filling the sack with them.)

Iago: Eh, no one'll be the wiser. (looking up at a huge diamond) Oh, my! Eh, maybe just one more.

(The diamond is stuck, and Abu and Iago pulling together are only just able to get it out.)

Iago: Nice work, monkey!

Abu: Yeah!

(Water starts to leak through the part of the dam where the diamond was.)

Iago: Like I said, how can they miss a couple of pebbles?

(Iago and Abu drag the sack of gems away. Behind them, the dam is leaking even more and is starting to crack.)

(Setting: the forest. Carpet is pacing back and forth nervously. Genie appears behind a tree near him, still in the form of a wallaby.)

Genie: Psst!

(Genie hides behind the tree again before Carpet turns around, then says "psst" again from the other side of the tree. They repeat this until Carpet finally grabs Genie and starts shaking him.)

Genie: What are you, nervous or something? Stand still! The locals have locked up Al! We have to find Iago and Abu!

(Carpet points at something behind Genie.)

Genie: What?

(A shadow looms over Genie. He looks up and sees Brisbane.)

Brisbane: Well, haven't seen you in these parts.

Genie: Oh, sure you have! Look at me! (starts eating leaves from a nearby bush) I'm indigenous wildlife!

Brisbane: (picking him up) Then you and I should get better acquainted. A blue wallaby? Not very likely, is it?

Genie: Well, blue runs in the family. Look! (shows Brisbane photographs) Snapshots! Here's mom and dad, and that's weird uncle Wally!

Brisbane: I know what you're doing and you won't get away with it! (carries Genie away, while Carpet hides behind a tree)

(Iago is flying through the forest carrying the sack of gems, followed by Abu.)

Iago: I… am… so… tired!

(Iago drops the sack and the giant diamond falls out. Abu sees it and is about to pick it up, but Iago dives down and grabs it first.)

Iago: But it's a good kinda tired!

Abu: (sadly) Oh, Aladdin…

Iago: I'm tellin' ya, the kid is fine. They'll show up any minute. (puts the diamond back in the sack) Then, we go home in a new tax bracket.

(Carpet flies up to them and gestures wildly to get their attention. He mimes Aladdin falling out of the sky and hurting his arm.)

Iago: Aladdin's hurt?!

(Carpet wraps himself around Abu, trapping him.)

Iago: And he's been captured?!

(Carpet nods, then traps Abu a different way.)

Iago: Genie, too?!

Abu: (shaking his fist at Carpet) Why, I…

Iago: Wait, let me think! Option number one: we could take our cargo home and assume that they'll cleverly escape on their own! It's the kind of thing we'll all have a good laugh about later!

(Abu and Carpet fold their arms and scowl at Iago.)

Iago: All right, it's option number two: go rescue the human-types. But let's not lose our heads and forget the bag!

(Brisbane is carrying Genie towards the city.)

Brisbane: I'm on to you and your trickery! You're going where you belong… school.

(They've come to a classroom. Sydney is the teacher, and the young koala Aladdin saved is one of the students.)

Sydney: Which brings us to… Brisbane?

Brisbane: I found this young one trying to skip school.

Sydney: All right, truant!

(Genie looks sheepish and hands Sydney an apple.)

Sydney: You may review yesterday's lesson for the class. What is man?

Genie: Someone who can bring home the bacon and fry it up in a pan? Oh, wait, that's woman.

(Sydney turns the chalkboard around to show a drawing of Aladdin.)

Sydney: Man is evil! Man came to our valley generations ago to dig up the shiny stones, and he hunted us down!

Koala: But that man saved my life!

Sydney: Typical man trick.

Student #1: Wait'll he's after you!

Student #2: Man is the enemy!

(Setting: Sydney's house. Aladdin takes his arm out of his sling; it appears to be healed now. He then looks up and sees Abu, Iago, and Carpet looking in the window.)

Abu: Aladdin?

Aladdin: Am I glad to see you guys!

Iago: Let's beat it, we don't wanna wear out our welcome!

Aladdin: (angry) I was never welcome here.

(Abu picks the lock and they open the door.)

Aladdin: Where's Genie?

Iago: First we'll bust you outta here. Then we'll worry about our resident weirdo.

Brisbane: (outside) The prisoner's door is open!

Aladdin: Hide!

(Carpet lies flat on the ground like an ordinary rug. Abu and Iago frantically try to hide, can't manage to before Kimbla and Brisbane enter the house.)

Brisbane: What is the meaning of this?!

Iago: I'm, uh, here with, uh, Dr. Abu!

Kimbla: Doctor… who?

Iago: Dr. Abu! The famed healer and, uh, renowned cosmetologist.

Aladdin: Well, doc, I first noticed the symptoms—

(Abu pulls Aladdin's tongue out and examines it. He then pounds on Aladdin's chest and checks the reflexes in his knees, causing him to kick Iago.)

Aladdin: That's okay! Doctor!

Iago: Good reflexes.

(Abu pulls on Aladdin's ears and starts grooming his hair, all the while chattering in monkey speech.)

Aladdin: Yes, yes, I'm feeling much better now!

Brisbane: Why can't I understand a word he says?

Iago: He's from Vienna.

Abu: Yeah!

Aladdin: (removing the sling) Thanks, Dr. Abu! You're a miracle worker!

(They start walking towards the door.)

Iago: Doctor's orders: go home, drink plenty of liquids, and don't operate any heavy dromedaries.

Brisbane: You will go nowhere, man!

(There's a crashing sound from outside.)

Aladdin: What was that?

Kimbla: The dam!

(We can see that the dam has now completely burst.)

Kimbla: We must see to the dam!

Brisbane: But the man will escape!

Kimbla: My subjects are in dire jeopardy!

(Kimbla runs out of the house. Brisbane follows her reluctantly.)

Iago: Lucky break! We're free and clear!

Aladdin: Carpet, they need our help.

Iago: These creeps treat you like public enemy number one, and now you're gonna risk your neck for them?!

Aladdin: Yes. (flies away on Carpet)

Iago: All right. If everybody's out there, then our treasure's safe in here.

(Kimbla and Brisbane have reached the dam. They can see that the flood waters are headed for the school.)

Kimbla: Our young ones! (runs toward the school)

Brisbane: Your highness! It's too late! (runs after her)

(Setting: the school)

Sydney: All right, everybody! Who is our enemy?

Students: Man!

Sydney: And what must be done with this man? (points to the drawing of Aladdin)

Students: Destroy him!

Koala: No! All men are not bad! He is not bad!

Genie: You're turning the tide of public opinion! Even now I hear the building roar of the crowd! Or is that an approaching flood?

(The flood has almost reached the school.)

Genie: Guess this means gym class is cancelled! (changes back to his normal form)

Koala: You're not a wallaby!

Genie: And, you know, I'm gonna miss that pouch.

(Genie creates a giant umbrella to hold back the water. Aladdin arrives on Carpet.)

Genie: I can't hold out much longer, Al!

(Aladdin starts loading the students onto Carpet.)

Iago: Can't seem to shake this hero thing, can we?

Abu: Hurry!

Aladdin: Come on!

(Aladdin reaches out to Sydney, who slaps his hand away, then runs out of the building, bringing one of the students with him. There is now so much water that it starts to flow over the top of Genie's umbrella, and Sydney and the child are washed away in the flood. Aladdin flies down and rescues them.)

Aladdin: All clear, Genie!

(The umbrella disappears, and the water looks like it's about to wash the school away, when suddenly the water starts to drain away. We then see Genie dressed as a plumber holding a drain plug.)

Genie: Putting your drain in was easy. Unplugging the humongo furball, that was the hard part.

(Carpet lands near Queen Kimbla. The young koala runs towards her and gives her a hug.)

Koala: I knew this man was not evil!

Kimbla: You could have escaped. Instead you risked your life to save others.

Aladdin: How could I do anything else?

Kimbla: But you are a man!

Genie: Let's review, shall we? Your society's long-held belief is that all men are evil. My pal Al is not evil. Therefore, your society's long-held belief is WRONG!

Brisbane: (running up to them) No, no, you are wrong! (holds up the sack of gems) Here is the proof that man is evil!

Aladdin: Yeah, right, that's just my sack of spices.

(Iago and Abu gulp. Brisbane dumps the gems out onto the ground.)

Brisbane: Spices, hmph! The man is a thief!

Sydney: Our legends tell us that man craves the shiny stones. He pretends to help us, but his greed caused our dam to break!

Koala: It can't be true!

Aladdin: It's not!

Brisbane: You said yourself that it was your sack! Your highness, what more proof do we need?

Kimbla: It would appear that the man has deceived us.

Iago: If it pleases the kangaroo court, the monkey and I, uh, thought you wouldn't miss a couple of gems.

Genie: Iago's fessing up! This is a red-letter day!

Brisbane: A lie!

Aladdin: And they don't believe him.

Iago: Hey, I may be a lot of things, but—

Brisbane: These noble animals try to take the blame for the man!

Kimbla: This shall be settled by the law of the jungle: trial by combat. The man versus the fiercest of our kingdom in a fight to the death.

(Kimbla gestures towards a large pit with a tree fallen across it, with spikes at the bottom.)

Kimbla: It is fitting that you fight here, an ancient trap used against us by man.

(Brisbane and Aladdin walk out onto the fallen log; they both have wooden staves. Brisbane tries to knock Aladdin off, but he jumps out of the way. Brisbane continues attacking, but Aladdin blocks all of his blows and manages to keep his balance. Eventually, Brisbane hits Aladdin on his side, where he was injured, and he drops his staff.)

Genie: No fair!

(Brisbane tries to hit him again, but Aladdin grabs on to the end of Brisbane's staff and won't let go. Brisbane tries to shake him off, and Aladdin is left dangling over the spikes at the bottom of the pit. Meanwhile, the other animals are watching, cheering Brisbane on. Aladdin tries to climb back up the staff, but Brisbane spins around in a circle, trying to get Aladdin to let go.)

Koala: Hang on, I know you can!

(Aladdin lands on the log again, dizzy. Brisbane raises his staff over his head.)

Brisbane: Foolish man!

(Aladdin dodges the blow, and Brisbane loses his balance. He's about to fall into the pit, but Aladdin grabs the other end of the staff, saving him.)

Brisbane: What are you waiting for?!

Aladdin: For you to understand me!

(Aladdin offers Brisbane his hand; Brisbane takes it.)

(Setting: that night, in the forest. Aladdin and his friends and the animals are all gathered around a bonfire. Kimbla offers Aladdin a giant ruby.)

Kimbla: Please accept this jewel as a token of our gratitude.

Aladdin: I couldn't. I helped because it was the right thing to do.

Iago: Aah! We finally get one of those jewels and he says no?!

Kimbla: You have demonstrated that not all men are evil.

Iago: (sarcastic) Yeah, yeah, yeah, we all learned a lesson.

Kimbla: And you have proven that not all animals are good!

Iago: Okay, so we made a mistake. Should we pay for it for the rest of our lives?

Kimbla: (holding up a drumstick) I considered it! (to Aladdin) Your arrival in our kingdom was not a curse, but a blessing.

Aladdin: Maybe one day I can come back to your valley.

Kimbla: Perhaps, one day, all men will be welcome.

THE END